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3 powerful practices that help simplify difficult goals

If I ask you – “What are your goals?” I will get answers like – I want to move abroad for higher studies, I want to buy my own house, I want to marry and settle down, I want to become the CEO of my company, I want to run the 21km marathon… and so on. Whenever we talk goals, we hear they should be measured and you should be focused. Following are certain vital aspects related to your goals that often go unnoticed –

Keep faith in micro goals

Micro goals are small insignificant goals that you derive from your macro goals. Do not let the term ‘insignificant’ confuse you. Here is why we should go for micro goals?

  • Micro goals are easy to pursue for a prolonged period.
  • Can be adopted around a demanding day as it needs less time
  • They are difficult to skip given their insignificant nature

As per an article that appeared in the Harvard Business Review – A micro goal should be followed till a point where it stops challenging you. Despite the sense of boredom that it generates, you should continue doing it for at least 15days and then increase the levels by as low as 10%. What does this do? It deeply embeds that habit in your routine. If you try to extend too fast, you are likely to give up. Their easy nature helps you to stay focused.

Be happy with your goals

There are people around the world who share their success stories, but remember it is your goals that will benefit you. Do not restructure your goals at the drop of a hat. Be happy and excited about your goals. Yes, it is difficult to maintain good enthusiasm when you are at the lower end of your achievement hierarchy. But if you continuously detest your goals or shift your goals you will not reach anywhere. Remember the decision to discard a goal is valid only when you have spent a good period pursuing it.

Reduce the importance of motivation

Motivation (self and external) is overrated and makes your thoughts weak. You continuously seek validation that leads to divided attention. Believe in the power of your manifestations and celebrate your small successes.

Do you agree that you should follow the above as you work towards your goals? Please share reasons for your decision and engage on the post to make it more meaningful.

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Words are powerful

What is the strongest form of manifestation? It is the words we speak. Words have a direct impact on our reality. If that’s the power that rests in words, we should responsibly choose the right words in our day-to-day life with self and others around us. You may wonder, how can one be so diligent in an activity as routine as speaking? But why don’t you look at it this way, that we have such an easy tool to ensure positivity in our life, something which is completely in our hands, then why be averse?

How can you develop this habit of speaking right –

Pause before you speak – This is an advice that we have read since yesteryears, and still holds true. A pause always gives clarity to your speech. Please do not confuse a pause (of self or others) as a sign of indecisiveness. It is rather a sign of a matured conversational experience.

Hear to listen – An active listener is one who hears the other person to understand not to respond. On the other hand, a passive listener is in a hurry to give his/her take and in the process ends up talking fast and reckless. In a world that reverberates with partisanship towards ideas and equates busyness with your level of success, becoming someone who speaks after completely deciphering what the other is saying is a challenge. But trust me that is one habit that will set you apart from the crowd.

Be mindful of your vocabulary – A lot of our vocabulary is absorbed from the people around us. Consciously distinguish between your words and the words that you have taken from others. Try to use words that are positive and strong because that sets the tone for the hours ahead. It is simple – “I know the structure will bring changes but it will definitely be good for the company.” v/s “I fear that the structural change will make things worse.” If it is inevitable that you have to be a part of the change then the former statement certainly creates better vibrations.

When we speak carefully with self and others, we also create base for decisions that are well thought off. Thoughtful decisions in turn make our personal and professional life better. Before I conclude I would like to address an important point –

A positive spoken word is not used to fool you into something that is not real. It is a systematic tool that if used to your advantage can help you handle adversities efficiently. A good word is a means to tap into the reservoir of your inner strength, your inner potential that probably even you are not aware of.

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What makes a good read?

A writer is blessed with an innate ability to put his/her thoughts on paper. Which was the last article that you read, you remember? What made you appreciate the story?

What makes a good read? Is a question that comes to the mind of writers and readers alike. As much as writers wish to write the best, even a reader wishes to read the best.

Address multiple perspectives

After many articles and stories, I have come to a conclusion that every reader interprets the same article differently. From the writer’s side, the meaning is one but the understanding is subjective. An article should thus, address multiple angles of looking at the same topic so that there is something in it for majority of the readers. For instance, https://www.speakingtree.in/article/why-fight-with-life-learn-to-flow-with-it – this article has more than 30k views because if you read on, you will find that the author has evaluated a sensitive habit of ACCEPTANCE at multiple levels.

Well researched and fact based

Any article that is based on solid facts will always have a stronger impact. With due respect to the writer’s knowledge on the topic, one should research before publishing an article. Even if one is writing fiction, the background and characters need to be well thought of which means well researched. This article on trends in digital marketing https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescommunicationscouncil/2023/01/18/2023-digital-marketing-trends-that-should-be-on-your-radar/?sh=50fce675cb37 states vital facts to support almost every trend listed.

Should reflect the writer’s character

A genuine article should always reflect the writer’s character and stand on the topic in discussion. Neutrality does not give a direction to the reader. The stance can be subtle or strong but it needs to show in the article. Now this one has a strong take on ChatGPT – https://frontline.thehindu.com/news/ai-experts-say-chatgpt-is-changing-education-but-how/article66449967.ece

An article should have a good structure and the basic language and grammar has to be in place. An article with appropriate subheads makes it easy for the reader to navigate through the story.

I might sound naïve but the goodness of writing lies in genuine love for your words. As a writer we have the right to seek inspiration and learn as we improvise our own writing skills. But, aping the writing style of the other is unacceptable.

Yes, today articles are written for followers and traffic but a true writer gets a high only if connect supersedes the statistics. Engaging comments and ensuring that you have led your readers to think is a true achievement for a writer. The commercial angle alone will never lead to a masterpiece.

It would be great if you engage and share what you think makes a good read.

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A difficult conversation on mind? Here are few things to remember

Can you recollect a recent difficult conversation that you had? How did it feel? It must have felt like a gush of emotions – anger, anxiety, guilt, confusion. None of these are healthy emotions and imagine what they do to your body and mind. There has to be a way to handle difficult conversations. Following are a few points that facilitate this handling. All these points concern only you and have no bearing on the other person with whom you are conversing.

Calmness

Here calmness is needed at three levels –

  • In mind
  • In choice of words and
  • In gestures and expressions

This helps you balance the negative emotions that tend to overpower you at the time of such conversations. Calmness keeps your mind and body healthy despite the gravity of the situation. Also, you attain a position of respect in the eyes of the others. They may not always admit the same but regardless it holds true.

Pragmatic references

Difficult conversations have a background that usually concern past and future events. In most of the cases you have either suffered in the past and kept patience or you foresee trouble in the future and feel anxious. This leads you into starting the conversation. While you refer to these events to make your case stronger, be pragmatic.

A subtle mention of your feelings and focusing on facts helps in holding a confident conversation. Facts make it easier to get the other person on the same level of thought.

Empathy

The other person is as powerful as you are and at the same time as affected. Empathy enables you to hear the other side. It lets you accept the other’s perspective. You never know if you have done wrong unintentionally.

Do not try to demean or dominate over their feelings because you can never force a person to feel your way. It is their own choice. A compassionate conversation makes it possible to find a mid -way out where both the parties have something to take away.

Progressive mindset

Progress happens in consensus. Progress is a product of mutual understanding. Progress is seen when you keep the bigger picture in mind. In both personal and professional areas, a progressive mindset creates a positive vibe at the time of a difficult conversation. It eliminates the vice of self- centeredness and changes the course of an otherwise bitter conversation.

If you think that handling diplomatically will hide your internal chain of thoughts, then you are mistaken. Even with average intelligence a person can see from where you are coming. This point lies at the core of making a tough conversation easy.

Courage

I deliberately kept this for the end. To initiate and to conclude a difficult conversation, you need courage. Courage to face the consequences physically and emotionally. Many times, it happens that you are about to confront and you tame down. You rehearse how you will approach, and you turn around. Why? Due to lack of courage. Have the courage to see it through the end and also have the courage to change course if you were wrong.

Difficult conversations are a part of life. Shying away from holding them is not a solution. The next time you have to give a negative employee feedback, or tell your partner about your individual growth plans, or approach your boss with a better alternative try to keep the above points in your head. I conclude with a final thought – “Most of the difficulty is an imaginary creation of your fears, it is not real.”

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The art of prioritizing

‘The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities’ – as said by Stephen Covey, an American educator and speaker well known for his bestseller 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Your mind is a maze that creates multiple options for utilizing every minute of yours.

For instance, a period of 30 minutes in your schedule can be used for a run, social interaction, project work, sleep, social media scrolling and many other activities. How to determine the perfect time-activity combination? Now that’s what we call the art of prioritizing. What understanding do you need to prioritize well? Here are some underlying factors –

Peace in sight

Quite often you experience that despite a long busy day, you feel incomplete. You feel a sense of lack. That is because work that gives you peace of mind, work that matters to you did not get the required attention and your day was consumed by other commitments that were of lesser importance. You should clearly identify activities that enhance your sense of self and make sure that you give them top priority.

Work-energy match

Energy is infinite but the levels vary during the day. Develop the habit of matching work to energy levels. Understand yourself and know at what time of the day your energy is at its peak and schedule intellectually and physically demanding tasks for that time. Leave the tendency to set everything in order before you start with the important stuff (more applicable to working women). Prioritize by your energies and you will find at the end of the day you will be a happily busy person.

Master the mind switch

Mind shuffle is when you switch from one task to other, each one requiring a different perspective and a different format of working. For instance, you are in an important meeting that needs presentation skills and immediately after the meet you have a get together that requires social skills. Prioritizing involves doing away with certain commitments to maintain a healthy mind switch. Trying to take up everything every day creates an illusionary sense of accomplishment. If you master the art of scheduling your priorities you lead a genuinely resourceful day.

Keep your mind light

Some activities take up a lot of space in your mind. Logically you know that it is no big deal but it lingers in the back of your mind till you do it. For example, activities that are not urgent but important like – Updating yourself about the latest innovation in your sector, evaluating the ideal extra- curricular option for your child, getting that small repair work done and much more.

The way to tackle this is either get the work done or know that it will get done and release precious mental space. Don’t let these activities clutter your to-do day after day. Don’t let it give you a feeling of you being a perpetual procrastinator by repeating it to yourself and others over and over again. Know that currently it is not your priority and thinking about it won’t help.

Each one of us has the same 24 hours. Yet there is vast difference in where we are in life. Where does the difference lie? The difference is not due to the family, or the position, or the society. It is due to an innate sense of prioritizing your day, ensuring that you put your time and energy to the best possible use.

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3 Habits to Help Energize the Present Moment

The present moment is all you have

How does the present moment feel? To me, it feels like attempting to put my thoughts into words. That’s it. The now is always simple. What makes it complicated is the past and the future. You spend a lifetime brooding over the past about which you cannot do anything, or you keep anticipating the future which you cannot live until its time. So all you are left with is the current moment, the present, and the now.

Experiencing the now is not an alien experience. We all felt it when we did that adventure sport or sat by the river looking at its flow. When in the middle of the traffic, the bright orange setting sun caught our eye, while dancing to our favorite song in the pub, while leaving in the wee hours of the morning to catch the early morning flight, or after a deep noon nap. The instances are many but are short-lived. As you try to gauge the profoundness, the moment just slips away.

What if there is a way to make this state of mind permanent? The following are 3 habits that can help you energize the present moment and live it to the best of your abilities.

1.Give Yourself to the Task at Hand

Tasks are of two types – one which you need to do as a part of your role and responsibility. The other which you do is out of passion and love. The former takes a major share for most of us creating a sense of boredom. One way to make the mundane interesting is by giving yourself completely to the task at hand. This habit enables you to get creative with your routine and you no longer function in autopilot mode. You are more aware of your current action which makes it a good experience.

2. Bring Your Mind Back to the Moment Again and Again

The mind is a monkey – is a light phrase that indicates that the mind is always jumping between the past and the future. How do you train the mind to be in the resourceful present? You simply bring your mind back to the present moment again and again. You watch your thoughts and make sure they are concentrated on the now. Gadgets and people around often make this difficult but it is the only way to exercise your brain to let it focus on the moment.

3. Journal Your Thoughts on the Above

Journal your thoughts and feelings on the above two habits at the end of each day. This will give you a solid understanding of the technique. It will also boost your confidence in the newer better way of living. The journal may read as follows –

  • I enjoyed making my cup of coffee
  • It was a struggle to bring my attention back to the presentation in the office.
  • For the first time, the red flower in the park looked so beautiful to me.
  • I made sure to be completely involved in the conversation with my colleague.

The above are 3 simple habits but their impact is enriching. Once an energized present moment becomes our way of life, everything feels effortless. The lightheartedness associated with being in the now will make your life joyful.

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5 reasons why speaking less is powerful

Speaking less is not just a quality of introverts, it is often a habit. People who speak less pause before they speak whether it is an opinion or a discussion. Speaking less requires power and control. It has its own benefits that have a direct impact on your wellbeing. Why speaking less is powerful?

A quiet mind

A lot of mental clutter is created through conversations with people around. Reading between the lines, superfluous exchange of words, toxicity lead to a messed-up mind. Silence on the other hand quietens your mind. You learn to internalize your thoughts and sort them thus reducing the chaos in your mind.   

Increase in confidence

When you talk less, you explain less. You have faith in your decisions. On the other hand, the one who speaks more divulges trivial details, seeking continuous validation. Your confidence lets the other person comprehend your perspective without you having to say much.

Makes you stronger

You gain patience by not reacting verbally to situations and individuals. You tolerate and reserve your response for selected situations. This behavior makes you stronger, you develop a precious skill of calming your self in tough situations just like an ocean calms itself.

You have better energy

If you notice you breathe better when you speak less. Your inhalation and exhalation are deep and mindful. This helps generate more energy. Your degree of self-awareness is high because you wait for people to approach you with their thoughts and you listen to them with complete concentration rather than responding quickly. This gives you better energy and purifies your aura. People enjoy being in your company.

You learn better

This one goes without saying. You learn better because you observe more, feel more, and listen more. Speaking less becomes a powerful habit because it focusses your attention on learning rather than application or quick sharing. You first understand the concept in its entirety before discussing it with others.

Speaking less helps you listen more intently, which is a meaningful way to honor the other. You fare better in every aspect of life because you are more mindful and energetic letting you accomplish more in your day. Speaking less is one of the most powerful habits that will lead you to a more holistic way of living.

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5 Tips to Enjoy a Big Fat Indian Wedding

It’s wedding season and you just received an exclusive invitation to a big fat Indian wedding. The invite is designed by the most creative minds with the perfect colors and templates. You feel happy because it is an outstation wedding, a well-deserved break from the routine. You set the dates in your schedule and book the tickets almost immediately to get them at reasonable rates.

After this, the visit to the wedding lies in your subconscious mind and you end up mentioning it to colleagues, friends, family, and so on. As the date approaches it dawns upon you that you are yet to see the invite in detail. Once you open the 10-page digital invite (the physical one being too bulky and artsy), you realize there is a detailed dress code for every event. There are days when you are changing clothes almost thrice a day.

The prominent and latest outfits in your wardrobe flash before your eyes and you allot as many as possible. Aahh!!! You take a sigh of relief, that you are at least 50% there. As the wedding gets closer, you try, buy, choose alternatively, accessorize, and discuss with others who will be accompanying you. Admit it or not, it does get tedious at one point in time.

Is there a way to simplify and make the process of preparing for the big fat Indian wedding enjoyable? Are there some tips to maintain reasonable enthusiasm levels while you spend weeks planning for a 3-day wedding? I have a few for you –

Be Comfortable in Your Skin

The pressure to look the best is a worthless pursuit. Be comfortable with

  • What you already have with you
  • The patterns that suit your personality and
  • The expense that your pocket can afford

Play Around With the Theme

Adhering to a theme in a function makes you feel a part of the celebration. It also makes the host happy. You can

  • Accessorize to gel in the theme
  • Mix and match but with confidence and
  • Scan your wardrobe thoroughly before buying

Choose Comfort Over Style

This overlaps with the first point. But the former was about the inner dilemma and this is about the weather conditions. If the place is hot, carry lighter wear even if it looks semi-casual. If the place is cold, carry good overcoats and zippers. Pack according to the weather and chances are you will enjoy more.

Set a Minimum

In your quest to get an authentic look, do not forget to set a minimum. Multiple footwear, cosmetics, and alternate outfits will only add to the time you take to pack, unpack and get ready.

Do Not Overthink

Once you have finalized an outfit for a function, at the max you can rethink once (twice for women) and that’s it. Don’t overdo it because it makes you feel tired even before you depart and also you lose confidence in your decision.

I would like to leave you with a light thought, as you plan your perfect look, please do not forget to smile because that is what will make you beautiful. Even pre-wedding as you shop and pack don’t stretch yourself too much and be sure that you will be in for some good fun. The host is happy to know that you will be there keeping your commitments aside and you too should be happy for the same reason.

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Sunsets and me

What do you like about sunsets? The shades, the breeze, kids enjoying their play time or a cup of coffee. My reply is – A sense of pause. A sunset surrounds us with vibrations that lead us towards closure – Shutting that file on which you are working, keeping an incomplete task aside for the next day or simply not reverting the call or email for the time being. One can pause and keep gazing at the vast open sky that looks nothing less than a vivid painting.

I live in a cosmopolitan busy city like Mumbai. Is an article on connection with sunset appealing? I feel it is more relevant because city dwellers seek peace in possessions and people. Materialistic happiness is conditional, but nature is always present subtly, unconditionally. A moment with nature has the power to heal deep. It’s hard to imagine an early wind up in our city, but we can definitely lower our guards once the sun waves a goodbye.

Following are 5 things which one should take up after sunset:

  1. Reading your favourite story. It helps you feel enriched after a long day that felt consuming, constantly asking for your time and energy. Keep some stories (in books, magazines or online) in line always so that you don’t get irritated searching.
  2. Meditation to relax your breathe. It lets you reflect on your day so that you don’t carry anything unnecessary in your mind as you prepare to sleep. It clears your subconscious mind and has a positive effect on your vitals. Keep at least 10 minutes aside to meditate.
  3. Planning your next day. This does not take much time because you know your task line up. A little thought on the task flow sets an enthusiastic tone for the next day. You rise more confidently, ready to take the new day in your stride.
  4. Spending time with friends and family. The exchange of vibes and stories, lets you understand that you are not the only one who had a ‘not so’ great day. Contrarily, you get a chance to share the other’s happiness if they have experienced something good. Both ways it is healthy for the heart and mind.
  5. Gratitude journaling where you list at least 3 things that occurred during the day for which you are grateful. This lets you appreciate the good which gets easily overlooked. A person in gratitude is a good company for the people around.

The intention behind this article is motivating you to take up at least one of the above 5 things. All the activities are purely self- driven and do not take up too much time. With some inclination, one can easily engage in them. If not, we have our lovely sunsets to remind us!!!

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Make sharing worthwhile

Sharing of thoughts and feelings is a vital emotional need of every human being. Is sharing unavoidable or can you do without it? You might be wondering in times like today where we are already so isolated why this perspective? That is because we seldom share goodness. Most of our time is expended in sharing the unpleasant. You don’t agree?

Let us spare a few minutes on recollecting how and what we share? Usually it’s a gush of bitter emotions where the words flow without barriers. Emotions like disappointment, helplessness, anxiety… Nothing stops, nothing curbs the flow and in the process all the mental clutter is out. For that moment you feel light but the relief is short lived. Because as you share you have spoken about the flaws in a person, or in self or in a system.

Yes, you may find it difficult to agree but please keep a hand on your heart and ponder – What have you spoken about? The answer is – You have spoken issues but not improvements, problems but not solutions. Sharing the negatives is an emotional rollercoaster where you experience a mix of rage and self -pity. And how would one feel at the end of such a ride? Miserable.

Another unique thing about this process is, you always share from your point of view, empathizing more than ever with self. The listener’s conclusion is thus, skewed keeping you from getting a clear picture.

So it goes like this – you share, you waste your valuable mental resources and you get nothing worthy in return. Hence an alternate idea came to me that when sharing consumes such valuable energy and time, why not make sharing worthwhile? Why not seek ways by which you can make the process of sharing more rewarding? A way by which you better your days with every single instance of sharing. I could come up with the following points:

  • Follow the rule of right sharing with the right person. This is compartmentalizing your support system. There is no point discussing your workplace problems with your neighbour, similarly its futile to share with your co-worker, how you had a rough morning as that time is already gone. However if you think they can value add given their personality and background go for it.
  • Narrate the incident as it is. Do not add your thoughts at the end of each statement. If you need genuine suggestion the listener needs to know the facts not how you felt.
  • Keep the conversation crisp and limited to the latest issue. Do not dig the past to establish a correlation. This enables a meaningful conversation where the focus is on the present.
  • Try hard to speak without heavy emotions. For instance, when you are angry, your pitch is high, when you are very sad, you sob as you talk. All this does not let the listener help you. Rather most of the time is wasted in pacifying.
  • Be open to the analysis. Many a times when the fingers point towards us, we go in self -defence mode. In fact we even end up saying – ‘Put yourself in my shoes. What wold you have done?’ Now this is like forcing the desired response down the other person’s throat.
  • Accept and implement. Only discussion leads you nowhere. Put the learning in practice from the next moment itself – both physically and emotionally. That way you will feel good about all the time and energy that you spent in sharing. It also makes the listener feel better.

So here we are – some simple ways to make ‘Sharing – an impending human habit’ worthwhile. Trust the process and repeat it across all your shares – related to work, family, self –doubt, society. The more you repeat the more it becomes a habit. With this, every time you share you take one tiny step towards self enhancement because the solution is within you already.