Category: Family Stories

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You Have Come Far!

December is a month of self-reflection. You see the entire year in a flash and resolve to make the next year better. But what about acknowledging the distance that you have covered this year? Why is it always about what can be better? Why is it not about that which is good?

Our minds are trained to think of all that did not go well, making the year difficult.  But I am sure there have been days when it went great, and you achieved beyond expectations.

I call upon every reader to list the good days first and then ponder about the bad ones. You may argue saying “But I have not done much.” Yes, it’s ok because whatever little you have done is good enough. In a world that keeps putting pressure to improvise the good and make the better best, pause to acknowledge the good – in its simplest version.

Do you know what my wins look like?

In 2024 –

–          I practised monotasking better

–          I heard my children with patience

–          I controlled overthinking on at least 20% of the issues

–          I accepted my current state of success

–          I lived my decisions more confidently

–          I was more consistent on LinkedIn

–          I stayed strong on most of the difficult days

My list is very subjective with goals that cannot be numbered but it matters to me. Yes, another year has passed and to the world, I am still the same, but I know of all the internal changes that have occurred. Only if I acknowledge them will they expand and trickle into the other areas of my life.

Here is a short story to drive home the point

A poor man lived with his wife and six children in a cramped one-room house. Life was so chaotic that he could barely endure it. Desperate, he sought advice from a village sage.

The sage listened and gave surprising advice: “Take your animals—your cow, goat, and chickens—into your house.” Though puzzled, the man obeyed.

The house became unbearable, so he returned to the sage. “Remove the chickens,” the sage said. The man complied but still found the house chaotic. “Remove the goat,” the sage then advised. When the goat was gone, the man returned again, complaining about the cow. “Take the cow outside,” the sage said.

The next day, the man returned to the sage, smiling. “Life is wonderful now,” he said. “Without the animals, our house feels spacious and peaceful!”

The sage’s wisdom had shown him how to appreciate what he had.

Source: How the Children Became Stars by Aaron Zerah

When motivating others, we do a fabulous job by glorifying even the smallest of their achievements. But when it is about self, we downplay and over-expect. Why can we not be considerate of ourselves before others?

One school of thought says that the considerate approach breeds complacency. However, I strongly believe that a constant feeling of lack – lack of opportunity, lack of resources, lack of time, only leads to further lack in life. It is time we respect our journey and feel joyous of where we have reached.

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Keep calm and be patient

For how long should I keep patience? This question itself shows your impatience. Of the many situations and factors that demand patience, I find two to be the most important  – 

  1. Self-Growth and
  2. People

In fact, if you look closely at your worries, you will find that each incident that bothers you falls under one of the above. Let us list some every day incidents that test our patience –” I am working hard, still I don’t have a steady flow of work”, “he is late always”, “Why do people honk on signals?”, “I am trying to learn AI but it is too demanding” and so on.

Big cities carry  a vibe of busyness. People’s minds are fragile. Small incidents trigger them and it has a trickle down effect on everything around.  

Here are 3 simple ways by which you can develop patience–

  1. Focus on your energies. Others have their own thoughts and priorities. If your schedule is permitting you to take that extra task in hand, just do it. This will help you honor your individual potential.
  2. If you are upset over something and feel like putting your point forth, wait for an extra 10 minutes before you speak. The gap allows you to choose your words and vibe. Many a times the situation gets dissolved in that span.
  3. Remember your circle of control and circle of influence. Know where you can bring a change for good. Everything else does not need your attention.

The rule is simple – Be patient and keep doing what you are good at. Your every act of patience can create a domino effect and inspire many others to behave the same way.

Let us stop looking at PATIENCE as a weakness or vulnerability. Let us celebrate and acknowledge every act of patience to create a new culture of easiness and accommodation.

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It’s Diwali!

Diwali is a celebration of homecoming. When Lord Rama, Maa Sita and Laxmanji returned from 14 years of exile, Ayodhya was fully lit with divas. Every lane was colorful, kids danced on the streets and the joy of the people knew no bound. Similar is the scene even today. Diwali carries with it a deep emotion of togetherness and new beginnings.

What is different is the reason of celebration? This festival gives us a chance to distance ourselves momentarily from the mundane chaos. It gives us time to ponder over what values do we really want in life. Every part of the celebration signifies cascading of the old and rebuilding of the new.

Diyas fight darkness and fill your heart with their golden light. When we look around, we notice what we already have in your life. This makes us feel content. A diya has a tiny flame but it glows in its own light, never asking for more.

The traditional sweets connect us to our ancestral legacy. When the family comes together to roll ladoos and make ghujiyaas, we experience the joy of hand labour. In the age of pace and technology, this practice slows us down and helps build patience.

When we meet and greet our loved ones, we know what real connection is. The pressure exerted by social media is released temporarily while we are engrossed in meaningful conversations.

Dressing up for Diwali helps you find a new beautiful you. The sheen of the silk dress, the grace of the gold jewelry, makes you feel elegant and special.

The rituals lead us to purification, by way of which we invoke Goddess Lakshmi to bestow upon us, the choiciest of her blessings. I firmly believe that the presence of money in life is important, to ensure that we are able to create and spread goodness.

With all of this an abstract aspect that I cherish on Diwali is considering this time to be auspicious to develop new thinking patterns. The newness of material possessions does not stay for long but a change in the thinking pattern, does help you upgrade. We all are victims of our own weak thoughts, which leads to anxiety and vulnerability. The outer world does not change, but it is our perspective that makes the difference.

Diwali is the ideal time to replace jealousy with appreciation, resistance with acceptance, anger with patience, anxiety with faith and FOMO with JOMO.

It is necessary to understand the significance of the REAL. It is important to internalize the good that you have done as you celebrated and not put everything on display through pictures and posts. What is internalized stays with you, what is over exposed fades away. Let us work on internalizing the positive emotions to build a newer better world.

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Keep Faith

What keeps the Universe going?

What keeps the world moving?

What makes you rise each morning?

FAITH.

An old adage says – ‘Faith can move mountains’ and yes, it is so true. There are days when you don’t feel like starting. Everything looks overwhelming. The multiple roles that you play demand time. The many habits that you wish to develop require grit. And on top of all of this is an innate desire to grow as a human being. In such a tight scenario where you move at snail’s pace, absorbed in the mundane, faith can be your strength. Faith lets you see the possibility, that things will change for good.

When does faith work? It works only when you channelize the energy created by faith. How can you do it? By working in the direction of your faith. How can you work for something that is a distant possibility? You can, by practicing the following ways –

Mindfulness

The more you live in the future, the lesser will be your faith in the present moment. Mindfulness is a powerful habit, that keeps you grounded in ‘what is.’ It does not let your faith waver because you know your awareness is completely towards the task in hand.

Resourcefulness

Resourcefulness is about valuing your time. There are many things that you can do if you have an intention. The more you work, the stronger is your faith in your potential. Stretch yourself, every day to give time to things that matter to you. Don’t give up on your own resourcefulness.

Consciousness

Be conscious of your thoughts. Give yourself two positive thoughts for a single negative thought. Whenever your mind feels tired and soul feels weak, sit with yourself and kindly explain your mind – how you do when a loved one feels troubled. Try to read or listen to something that reinforces faith. Trust me it is about holding on for a few moments till you overcome or outgrow.

A short story

Let me share a story about a sculptor, who practiced the above three habits for keeping his faith. It is an adaptation of the original publication from www.winnersstory.com

There lived a father and son in a remote place best known for sculpture shops. Father was a sculptor and had a shop. He made little profits from the shop. In his free time, father used to teach his young son the art of sculpture. While teaching the art, he also taught him about work ethics and the faith one should have in his work.

He told his son, “We are not selling as many sculptures as we wanted. But one day our work will reach the right people. From that day, there will be no looking back.” As time passed, his son learned the complete art of sculpturing. He was helping his father along with his studies. Other Sculptures in the area closed their shops and went for other jobs. They used to advise the father, “Leave this work and look for any other source of income. You will never earn from this.”

One day, a businessman was traveling in his car and saw the sculptures shining like gold in the rays of the sun. He visited the shop and explored the sculptures. Then he told the father, “These sculptures look great. They have high demand in other countries. Can we both do business together?. You make the sculpture, and I sell it.”

Father and son were happy with the offer from the businessman. They agreed to the deal. They started making more Sculptures, and soon their business grew multi-fold.

Moral of the story

When we pursue something in life, the first step is to have complete faith in it. There will be challenges during the process, but if we have faith, we can succeed.

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A Peep into the Traditional India Culture of Sustainability

Our country is in the middle of a colossal process of development where we are innovating and at the same time rebuilding the old. While we are witnessing such a massive transformation, we must adopt a sustainable approach towards future growth.

In our country sustainability is not a new idea because our ancestors lived by the principle of sustainability. It was not because of poverty or lack of education; it was because of an innate sense of conserving the resources. Putting things to their best possible use and not replacing things too soon requires intelligence and patience.

Following are some common sustainable practices from traditional India

Zero waste plates

Originally Indians used organic cutlery like banana leaves or Pattal made from dry leaves. This was used more often in community functions where they served more people. Today it appears more as a different and attractive style of plating but in whole of Kerala, banana leaves still form a part of the basic house utensils and cutlery. How about giving this simple sustainable practice a try?

Longer lifecycle of clothes

How can one extend the lifecycle of clothes? By repairing and repurposing it. Old sarees were also used to stitch smaller cloth to wrap a new born. It was believed that the fabric has gone softer because of continuous use and the child will be very comfortable, cuddled in the same. Our grandmothers used to make beautiful quilts, doormats and hand bags from old or damaged clothes. They never discarded worn out clothes. It requires simple imagination to reconsider outright discarding of old clothes and putting them to alternate use.

Water in earthen pots

In an Indian household drinking water is stored in earthen pots. Do you know it has a scientific reason to it? The walls of an earthen pot are highly porous which leads to continuous evaporation of water that in turn absorbs the heat from the remaining water as well. As a result, the remaining water is cool round the year.

In our traditional culture there were ways and means to establish a deeper connection between us and the only planet we call our home – Mother Earth.

To read more on Indian companies that develop sustainable solutions visit the link below

https://medium.com/@neha.gmittal1/5-indian-companies-creating-a-culture-of-sustainable-living-d9bf17fe3533

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Achieve your dream of living an ideal day – Part II

As committed in the last blog, this post is about more habits that will help you live an ideal day. Personal development should be a constant endeavor. It is one of the worthiest pursuits for each one of us because we are our most valuable resource. Following are some interesting habits that can make your day more meaningful –

Save energy

Energy is infinite and it is the reason of all activity and existence. Know what depletes your energy and take active steps to tackle it. One of the biggest energy depleters is holding hard feelings against people. All the attention that you give to developing and nurturing a negative feeling towards a person, consumes too much of your emotional and physical energy. It will be impractical to say that be good to all, so what I mean here is if someone does not give a good vibe, disconnect. Stop thinking about that person or situation every time it comes to you. Every single time you discourage that thought, you save some energy.

Time management

This is a topic in itself that we will definitely cover in the posts ahead but in the context of this post, time management is inevitable to get the desired value from your day. As discussed in the post before, an ideal day should have a little development in every form – physical, emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual and professional. Yes, you cannot attend to every parameter each day but each of these should be attended to consistently. This is where your time management skills come to your rescue. Prioritizing, setting up target timelines and working with focus are the key. Adhering to time standards set by self is a rewarding experience.

Go with the flow

This contradicts the habit that we just read about. But the fact remains that as much as you try to be in control of your day there are situations that are beyond your reach. In times like these it is intelligent to go with the flow because resistance makes you feel tired. I do not suggest that you should be over accommodating, but more often than not coming back to the task after an unexpected interruption puts you on track. Only when your mind is stuck on the abruptness of the flow-break, you are paralyzed and you fail to accomplish. Whatever it is, take it in your stride and go with the flow.

What you have achieved in a day gives you partial elation. It is more about how you have achieved it. Let the power of your habits put you in a place that is better than yesterday. Like a master sculptor carve your days carefully and intricately. The simple reason being that days make a week, weeks make a month, months make a year and years make a LIFE.

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Achieve your dream of living an ideal day – Part I

At the end of the day when you look back what do you find? You find how you were engaged in a mix of many activities – personal, professional, social and others. You identify how you lived moments where you were organized and also your moments of chaos. This takes us to the next question – How to live an ideal day? There is no standard rule book that can define a good day but following are some habits that never go wrong –

Rise early

When you rise early you create a much-needed space for self. You can take up any activity that enriches your being. Reading, exercising, meditating – you can do whatever attracts you. One thing is of utmost importance that the period of early morning is sacred so do not feed yourself with wrong content in any form. Secondly resist the temptation to get drawn into the routine early with the intention of getting extra work done. Strictly reserve that space for self.

Mind your conversations

Converse less about people and more about ideas. Do not engage in depleting conversations that involve, judging, criticizing and complaining. The habit of accepting the choices others make for themselves keeps your mind light and open. Refrain from prolonged discussions about your anxiety with regards to future uncertainties. This lets you be in the present.

Conscious non-doing

By this I mean know where your energy is. There are periods during the day when you don’t feel like working. Conscious non -doing is when you don’t doom scroll or oversleep, rather you take an active break. An active break means diverting your mind towards your hobbies or giving time to learning about new things of your interest. You may choose to spend time with family or travel as well. The guiding sense should be an awareness that you have paused to reconnect and it is not an abrupt stop.

If you ponder a little you would know that non-conscious non-doing, consumes most of your productive day. Also, the first two habits are easy to imbibe and monitor but, the third habit is not apparently visible. More on this will come as a follow- on post in this week. Do share your thoughts on the idea of ‘An Ideal Day.’

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5 Tips to Enjoy a Big Fat Indian Wedding

It’s wedding season and you just received an exclusive invitation to a big fat Indian wedding. The invite is designed by the most creative minds with the perfect colors and templates. You feel happy because it is an outstation wedding, a well-deserved break from the routine. You set the dates in your schedule and book the tickets almost immediately to get them at reasonable rates.

After this, the visit to the wedding lies in your subconscious mind and you end up mentioning it to colleagues, friends, family, and so on. As the date approaches it dawns upon you that you are yet to see the invite in detail. Once you open the 10-page digital invite (the physical one being too bulky and artsy), you realize there is a detailed dress code for every event. There are days when you are changing clothes almost thrice a day.

The prominent and latest outfits in your wardrobe flash before your eyes and you allot as many as possible. Aahh!!! You take a sigh of relief, that you are at least 50% there. As the wedding gets closer, you try, buy, choose alternatively, accessorize, and discuss with others who will be accompanying you. Admit it or not, it does get tedious at one point in time.

Is there a way to simplify and make the process of preparing for the big fat Indian wedding enjoyable? Are there some tips to maintain reasonable enthusiasm levels while you spend weeks planning for a 3-day wedding? I have a few for you –

Be Comfortable in Your Skin

The pressure to look the best is a worthless pursuit. Be comfortable with

  • What you already have with you
  • The patterns that suit your personality and
  • The expense that your pocket can afford

Play Around With the Theme

Adhering to a theme in a function makes you feel a part of the celebration. It also makes the host happy. You can

  • Accessorize to gel in the theme
  • Mix and match but with confidence and
  • Scan your wardrobe thoroughly before buying

Choose Comfort Over Style

This overlaps with the first point. But the former was about the inner dilemma and this is about the weather conditions. If the place is hot, carry lighter wear even if it looks semi-casual. If the place is cold, carry good overcoats and zippers. Pack according to the weather and chances are you will enjoy more.

Set a Minimum

In your quest to get an authentic look, do not forget to set a minimum. Multiple footwear, cosmetics, and alternate outfits will only add to the time you take to pack, unpack and get ready.

Do Not Overthink

Once you have finalized an outfit for a function, at the max you can rethink once (twice for women) and that’s it. Don’t overdo it because it makes you feel tired even before you depart and also you lose confidence in your decision.

I would like to leave you with a light thought, as you plan your perfect look, please do not forget to smile because that is what will make you beautiful. Even pre-wedding as you shop and pack don’t stretch yourself too much and be sure that you will be in for some good fun. The host is happy to know that you will be there keeping your commitments aside and you too should be happy for the same reason.

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Bridging the gap

“When we were of your age we did not have things our way. We strived for it, sacrificed so that we could be in this place.” Sounds familiar? Every youth must have heard these lines from parents or grandparents or uncles or aunts and even elderly people living in the neighborhood. The two strongest emotions that arise whenever these lines are uttered are that of humor or anger. Can we keep both aside and think from a third perspective of understanding. That is one way of bridging the gap.

Let me correct at the onset itself understanding does not equal to surrendering. That’s a very limited way of looking at it. It’s as weird as if I step into the sea, the waters will take me in. There are many other possibilities you can feel the water and step back, you can swim or you can even sail through. Let us look at how we can make the last option possible – ‘Sailing through’…

Take it light

Keep conversations light. Elders have their way of putting things across but you need not take it heavily. Because that’s when the words become bitter, expressions become stronger and you lose both the possibilities of understanding or making them understand. Being elder to us they have that natural urge to control and guide so their tone becomes imperative. On days like these it is better to step back. Create a space where matters can be kept on hold be it education, job or relationships.

Gauge what matters and how much

While you have created a space – decide on what you really want. If the point of conflict is about something that you are really passionate about, muster the courage and put forth your plan. Be soft-spoken and thorough as ambiguity about your idea makes most of the parents anxious. Convince them to give you a chance and hear what they have to say. Assure them that their insecurities will be taken care off (and you better mean it) because you never know if there is a hole in your boat.

But contrary to that if you yourself are in self- doubts consider listening to them. The latter is beneficial when you are unknowingly falling prey to herd mentality and fads that in no way connect to your personality. What is strange is that deep down inside you know it but for social validation you choose the veil. In such cases which are very prominent even amongst grown- ups parental reservations actually help one find the real meaning to life.

After all they are people who have contributed to your growth, trifling your relationships with them over pesky matters is not worth. Even they put in a lot of efforts to create a rapport with your new persona (that changes with puberty, college, higher studies, first love, poor results or excellent scores and the list goes on). For parents they grow with their child.

Never underestimate them

We often read stories of toppers coming from humble backgrounds. Yes every child is blessed and they must have worked hard but even their parents must have burnt the midnight oil to make them into the person that they are. However less is the exposure of a parent given their life span they would always have some valuable inputs to give if given a chance. So hear them out non- judgmentally breaking your own molds, inside which you have buried their experiential wisdom.

Find a mid- way out

It need not be their way or your way. In most of the cases one can find a mid-way – try reaching there the fastest. If you think your parents will not budge and you don’t wish to give in either, proceed your way with conviction. Worst case scenario is if its they who turn out to be correct, admit that you were wrong and best case scenario is that you succeed even then be humble and pay them your respects.

Fight with compassion

When as a child we make mistakes our parents scold us, reprimand but at the days end they always make it up. Till the time things are sour, a part of them is with the child and it is only for the betterment that they maintain a curt distance. Can we please treat them the same, it’s okay to have disagreements but as you fight for your dream, your passion, and your love can the fight be compassionate? Can the words and actions be chosen with due consideration to what they have given us over a life time? And trust me it is not as difficult. Yes, they put up a strong face but inside they already know they have lost to your decision, help them transcend.

You may think that my article is dwindling towards the side of the parents but somehow the aggression is uncalled for even in the most extreme situations. They have been patient with us when we messed up out of innocence and they deserve to get the same back. The rules of Karma never change.

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Let’s talk heart to heart

Meditation, spa, sleep, vacationing – the words give immense peace. In fact the mind starts wandering in the imaginary bubble where we are engaging in these activities. Why do they rejuvenate? I guess they break the monotony, allow us to stop thinking about our commitments for a while. One such getaway could also be a heartfelt conversation with someone close to you or someone with whom you just connect. In the quest to have an active social media presence we have forgotten the charm of a good conversation.

The following three points are a feeble attempt to put the abstract gains of an undistracted chat in words:

It helps us to learn values when the other person shares his/her ways of handling of uncomfortable situations. Why am I so sure about this? Because as a conversation gets deeper, the ‘not so good’ part of a person’s life is out naturally. Post its out in the open it is human mindset that they will either share their virtuous approach or they will confess how they did not manage it well. In either case you learn.

It helps to catch vibes. Yes you may argue how is that a benefit? While having a good concentrated conversation as we discuss the highs and lows, we emit a mix of positive and negative vibes. While a positive vibe is all good to take home, in case of a negative vibe as you try to correct that person (you would do it because you don’t have meaningful self-dwelling conversations with anyone and everyone) in the process you end up checking your behavior too.

It helps us to understand how are life is not as bad as we sometimes feel it is. As it is only during such conversations that you come to appreciate all that you have.  The interaction makes you feel lighter and more often than not leaves you wiser.

Empathy encompasses all the above feelings as unintentionally you do put yourself in the other person’s shoe – And empathy is a value that is seriously lacking in today’s times because people consider empathy to be synonymous with surrender and unnecessary sacrifice. It has lost its original meaning which was unconditional love. 

Now I would like to steer you to how we can have a heartfelt conversation so we move on from abstract to real visible factors.

The first thing to keep in mind, I know every reader must have guessed by now – No mobile phone checks. Taking a call may be necessary; if you are in between some important task being available is necessary. But we all know where we stand – unnecessary checking of social handles and scrolling. Boom!! The conversation is wasted.

Be a listener. Don’t engage in a talk to answer, to show your greater side. While the other person is speaking, you cook up your response/reaction well in advance. What is the harm is taking a pause to register what he/she has said and then replying or sometimes may be not responding at all as you have nothing much to say.

Treat it as meaningful. Today cafes, restaurants, open public spaces are used more and more to do more work. People everywhere are seen with laptops and mobiles attending to messages, emails (both work related and casual). Two people simply talking are looked upon as old school or may be less busy. Shatter that cliché. I would say it is modern; it is in vogue to have a mindful and good conversation with someone whom you wish to connect with.

Be it a group of men or women or kids who are out together – I notice a disconnected, a continuous stream of halfhearted exchange of words. Same is the story between two lovers, parent and child or any two people who are known to each other. We are unknowingly missing out on a lot due to these incomplete conversations – that lack feelings and attention, words and learning. May be this somehow links to rising cases of depression in all age groups?

Take a moment to ponder and recollect your last healthy conversation – when, where, with whom? Let us learn to talk, to listen and to engage with full interest and inclination.