Category: Friends and Friendships

Posted on

The Slingshot Ride!

We visited an amusement park. As much as the huge, fancy rides excited me, they also led to a pit in my stomach. I was on the fence because, yes, I am fearless, but I have not done this in years. Will I be able to handle the adrenaline rush?

While I did smaller roller coasters and swings, a heavily promoted ‘Slingshot’ ride, placed right in the centre like a solitaire on the queen’s crown, kept attracting my attention.

I was watching the demeanour of those waiting in the queue in awe, and I was trying to catch a glimpse of those who were coming out after having done the ride, to check whether they were OK.

All this time, my mind kept telling me, “This is not for you. Forget it.” But the heart said, “If not now, then when? You want to bungee jump and skydive, and here you are, scared of a ride in an amusement park. C’mon, you should do it.”

My friend wanted to do it, so I accompanied her, thinking to myself, “I will see her board and move towards the exit.” She told me, “Why are you wasting your time? I will meet you ahead.” I said, “Never mind, I want to see the ride up and close.”

We reached the end of the queue. They were allowing five people inside at a time. The attendant released the chain. I hesitated, but she, unaware of my intentions, pointed towards the queue and made a strong gesture asking me to hurry.

Once inside, I was the first one in line to board the ride. The irritated attendant, again oblivious to my lostness, gestured that I should board faster. Suddenly, something changed inside me, and my feet were drawn towards the ride.

I sat, the other four sat, the dramatic countdown began, the ride started, and we were shot in the sling. The ride lasted less than a minute, but it changed me forever. Suddenly, the world became a possibility, because I lived my word of being fearless.

My call to everyone reading this is to try every new experience that comes your way. You never know what it has in store for you.

Posted on

Keep calm and be patient

For how long should I keep patience? This question itself shows your impatience. Of the many situations and factors that demand patience, I find two to be the most important  – 

  1. Self-Growth and
  2. People

In fact, if you look closely at your worries, you will find that each incident that bothers you falls under one of the above. Let us list some every day incidents that test our patience –” I am working hard, still I don’t have a steady flow of work”, “he is late always”, “Why do people honk on signals?”, “I am trying to learn AI but it is too demanding” and so on.

Big cities carry  a vibe of busyness. People’s minds are fragile. Small incidents trigger them and it has a trickle down effect on everything around.  

Here are 3 simple ways by which you can develop patience–

  1. Focus on your energies. Others have their own thoughts and priorities. If your schedule is permitting you to take that extra task in hand, just do it. This will help you honor your individual potential.
  2. If you are upset over something and feel like putting your point forth, wait for an extra 10 minutes before you speak. The gap allows you to choose your words and vibe. Many a times the situation gets dissolved in that span.
  3. Remember your circle of control and circle of influence. Know where you can bring a change for good. Everything else does not need your attention.

The rule is simple – Be patient and keep doing what you are good at. Your every act of patience can create a domino effect and inspire many others to behave the same way.

Let us stop looking at PATIENCE as a weakness or vulnerability. Let us celebrate and acknowledge every act of patience to create a new culture of easiness and accommodation.

Posted on

3 Easy Ways to Follow on Your Journey to Being More Humble

Humility is the ability to view yourself accurately, with your talents as well as flaws while being void of arrogance. We often come across people who brag about their accomplishments. Some are so full of themselves that they turn garrulous while some others keep mentioning their milestones subtly. Most of them don’t realize that they are boastful but everyone around feels it.

Hence, it is important to recognize your self -state – Are you humble or are you not? Give it a thought and you may find yourself oscillating between two ends. When I spared a thought, I recollected one incident where I mentioned my highly paid content projects in pipeline to a friend who never asked me about my price plan. Now, that is not humble and, on another day, I did not feel like sharing about my new fitness regime when my cousins were talking about pilates and proteins. You will face the same but when you think a little deeper, you will be able to identify which way are you skewed. A few subtle indicators of your boastfulness are –

  • You mention the same list of achievements to one and all
  • You steer the conversation towards your lifestyle and your beliefs
  • You listen only to reply back with your experiences

Sometimes you unintentionally demean the lifestyle and accomplishments of the other person while you are highlighting yours. I know this lady in my complex who is passionate about healthy intake. She develops new recipes using alternate substitutes that improve the nutritional value without compromising on taste. While it’s a good pursuit to engage oneself, that is the only thing about which she converses and she fails to realize that everyone is not interested in learning about the methods and benefits. As she casually shares, she often says – “We refrain from using this, we avoid milk, we don’t overcook for taste?” and suddenly there is an air of superiority. As if the conventional ways adopted by others are passe and unhealthy.

As I observe more and more, I have understood that pride is more self -created. Society appreciates everyone’s accomplishments and for them you are always one of the achievers. But you replay the accolades in your head and every time you do so your pride increases.

Understand how humble you are and delve deeper into knowing the source of your pride. This becomes the starting point of bringing about a change and developing humility.

Speaking metaphorically nature is the best example of humility. The trees bend more with every new fruit that grows on it, the river flows around, never expecting the rocks to move, the sun and the moon shine whether people appreciate or not, the birds chirp without seeking an applaud, the breeze soothes even if we don’t thank it back – I can give many more examples but I would want you to derive more from nature.

The three easiest ways to embark upon the journey of transcending from arrogance to humility are –

Keep learning – The wise say, one should keep learning as if there is no tomorrow. The more you are open to learning the more you are able to see things about which you don’t know. This discourages the feeling of ‘I know it all’ and keeps you modest. Especially in your area of expertise keep seeking more knowledge on latest developments – this pursuit keeps you so engaged that you have no time for self-praise. Knowledge about things other than your vocation, shapes your all-round personality and makes you more independent. For instance, an engineer who is also a good cook and a cyclist can engage in two other activities along with his profession making his day interesting.

Talk about the present – Consciously keep the conversation on the present day and you will find it easy to be grounded. It is only when you discuss your past achievements and future plans, that you get misled and in the flow of the conversation reveal a lot that is extra and boastful. I am not suggesting that you be an introvert and shy away from sharing your accomplishments, but talking about the current moment with short references to past and future, makes the conversation more relevant and interesting. You waste less time and there is room for knowing what more you need to learn, else the limited span gets exhausted with information overload.

Regulated use of social media – In the world of social media where even the smallest of acts finds a mention, it is hard to stay humble. Care less for likes and lesser for followers because this indirectly nurtures the habit of showcasing what you have done even to people who are not concerned about it. Also, it pulls you into having meaningless goals that otherwise would not have found you. Use social media wisely to learn more and connect.

Humility is often looked down upon as weakness or fear. Don’t fall in the trap and find better ways to make your presence count. Believe that it is your biggest strength and hold on to it even on the toughest of the days.

In the words of Mahatma Gandhi – “It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”

Posted on

Step by step, day by day

Don’t let someone define your goals for you

Don’t believe in the outside world view

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

 

Don’t get disheartened when you look around

Don’t be deaf to your inner sound

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

 

Don’t fear failures when things go wrong

Don’t worry if progress is taking long

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

 

Don’t be insecure when others soar heights

Learn to take inspiration, it makes you feel light

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

 

Don’t engage your mind in matters trivial

Think the bigger picture, stay jovial

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

Posted on

Achieve your dream of living an ideal day – Part II

As committed in the last blog, this post is about more habits that will help you live an ideal day. Personal development should be a constant endeavor. It is one of the worthiest pursuits for each one of us because we are our most valuable resource. Following are some interesting habits that can make your day more meaningful –

Save energy

Energy is infinite and it is the reason of all activity and existence. Know what depletes your energy and take active steps to tackle it. One of the biggest energy depleters is holding hard feelings against people. All the attention that you give to developing and nurturing a negative feeling towards a person, consumes too much of your emotional and physical energy. It will be impractical to say that be good to all, so what I mean here is if someone does not give a good vibe, disconnect. Stop thinking about that person or situation every time it comes to you. Every single time you discourage that thought, you save some energy.

Time management

This is a topic in itself that we will definitely cover in the posts ahead but in the context of this post, time management is inevitable to get the desired value from your day. As discussed in the post before, an ideal day should have a little development in every form – physical, emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual and professional. Yes, you cannot attend to every parameter each day but each of these should be attended to consistently. This is where your time management skills come to your rescue. Prioritizing, setting up target timelines and working with focus are the key. Adhering to time standards set by self is a rewarding experience.

Go with the flow

This contradicts the habit that we just read about. But the fact remains that as much as you try to be in control of your day there are situations that are beyond your reach. In times like these it is intelligent to go with the flow because resistance makes you feel tired. I do not suggest that you should be over accommodating, but more often than not coming back to the task after an unexpected interruption puts you on track. Only when your mind is stuck on the abruptness of the flow-break, you are paralyzed and you fail to accomplish. Whatever it is, take it in your stride and go with the flow.

What you have achieved in a day gives you partial elation. It is more about how you have achieved it. Let the power of your habits put you in a place that is better than yesterday. Like a master sculptor carve your days carefully and intricately. The simple reason being that days make a week, weeks make a month, months make a year and years make a LIFE.

Posted on

A difficult conversation on mind? Here are few things to remember

Can you recollect a recent difficult conversation that you had? How did it feel? It must have felt like a gush of emotions – anger, anxiety, guilt, confusion. None of these are healthy emotions and imagine what they do to your body and mind. There has to be a way to handle difficult conversations. Following are a few points that facilitate this handling. All these points concern only you and have no bearing on the other person with whom you are conversing.

Calmness

Here calmness is needed at three levels –

  • In mind
  • In choice of words and
  • In gestures and expressions

This helps you balance the negative emotions that tend to overpower you at the time of such conversations. Calmness keeps your mind and body healthy despite the gravity of the situation. Also, you attain a position of respect in the eyes of the others. They may not always admit the same but regardless it holds true.

Pragmatic references

Difficult conversations have a background that usually concern past and future events. In most of the cases you have either suffered in the past and kept patience or you foresee trouble in the future and feel anxious. This leads you into starting the conversation. While you refer to these events to make your case stronger, be pragmatic.

A subtle mention of your feelings and focusing on facts helps in holding a confident conversation. Facts make it easier to get the other person on the same level of thought.

Empathy

The other person is as powerful as you are and at the same time as affected. Empathy enables you to hear the other side. It lets you accept the other’s perspective. You never know if you have done wrong unintentionally.

Do not try to demean or dominate over their feelings because you can never force a person to feel your way. It is their own choice. A compassionate conversation makes it possible to find a mid -way out where both the parties have something to take away.

Progressive mindset

Progress happens in consensus. Progress is a product of mutual understanding. Progress is seen when you keep the bigger picture in mind. In both personal and professional areas, a progressive mindset creates a positive vibe at the time of a difficult conversation. It eliminates the vice of self- centeredness and changes the course of an otherwise bitter conversation.

If you think that handling diplomatically will hide your internal chain of thoughts, then you are mistaken. Even with average intelligence a person can see from where you are coming. This point lies at the core of making a tough conversation easy.

Courage

I deliberately kept this for the end. To initiate and to conclude a difficult conversation, you need courage. Courage to face the consequences physically and emotionally. Many times, it happens that you are about to confront and you tame down. You rehearse how you will approach, and you turn around. Why? Due to lack of courage. Have the courage to see it through the end and also have the courage to change course if you were wrong.

Difficult conversations are a part of life. Shying away from holding them is not a solution. The next time you have to give a negative employee feedback, or tell your partner about your individual growth plans, or approach your boss with a better alternative try to keep the above points in your head. I conclude with a final thought – “Most of the difficulty is an imaginary creation of your fears, it is not real.”

Posted on

3 Habits to Help Energize the Present Moment

The present moment is all you have

How does the present moment feel? To me, it feels like attempting to put my thoughts into words. That’s it. The now is always simple. What makes it complicated is the past and the future. You spend a lifetime brooding over the past about which you cannot do anything, or you keep anticipating the future which you cannot live until its time. So all you are left with is the current moment, the present, and the now.

Experiencing the now is not an alien experience. We all felt it when we did that adventure sport or sat by the river looking at its flow. When in the middle of the traffic, the bright orange setting sun caught our eye, while dancing to our favorite song in the pub, while leaving in the wee hours of the morning to catch the early morning flight, or after a deep noon nap. The instances are many but are short-lived. As you try to gauge the profoundness, the moment just slips away.

What if there is a way to make this state of mind permanent? The following are 3 habits that can help you energize the present moment and live it to the best of your abilities.

1.Give Yourself to the Task at Hand

Tasks are of two types – one which you need to do as a part of your role and responsibility. The other which you do is out of passion and love. The former takes a major share for most of us creating a sense of boredom. One way to make the mundane interesting is by giving yourself completely to the task at hand. This habit enables you to get creative with your routine and you no longer function in autopilot mode. You are more aware of your current action which makes it a good experience.

2. Bring Your Mind Back to the Moment Again and Again

The mind is a monkey – is a light phrase that indicates that the mind is always jumping between the past and the future. How do you train the mind to be in the resourceful present? You simply bring your mind back to the present moment again and again. You watch your thoughts and make sure they are concentrated on the now. Gadgets and people around often make this difficult but it is the only way to exercise your brain to let it focus on the moment.

3. Journal Your Thoughts on the Above

Journal your thoughts and feelings on the above two habits at the end of each day. This will give you a solid understanding of the technique. It will also boost your confidence in the newer better way of living. The journal may read as follows –

  • I enjoyed making my cup of coffee
  • It was a struggle to bring my attention back to the presentation in the office.
  • For the first time, the red flower in the park looked so beautiful to me.
  • I made sure to be completely involved in the conversation with my colleague.

The above are 3 simple habits but their impact is enriching. Once an energized present moment becomes our way of life, everything feels effortless. The lightheartedness associated with being in the now will make your life joyful.

Posted on

5 Tips to Enjoy a Big Fat Indian Wedding

It’s wedding season and you just received an exclusive invitation to a big fat Indian wedding. The invite is designed by the most creative minds with the perfect colors and templates. You feel happy because it is an outstation wedding, a well-deserved break from the routine. You set the dates in your schedule and book the tickets almost immediately to get them at reasonable rates.

After this, the visit to the wedding lies in your subconscious mind and you end up mentioning it to colleagues, friends, family, and so on. As the date approaches it dawns upon you that you are yet to see the invite in detail. Once you open the 10-page digital invite (the physical one being too bulky and artsy), you realize there is a detailed dress code for every event. There are days when you are changing clothes almost thrice a day.

The prominent and latest outfits in your wardrobe flash before your eyes and you allot as many as possible. Aahh!!! You take a sigh of relief, that you are at least 50% there. As the wedding gets closer, you try, buy, choose alternatively, accessorize, and discuss with others who will be accompanying you. Admit it or not, it does get tedious at one point in time.

Is there a way to simplify and make the process of preparing for the big fat Indian wedding enjoyable? Are there some tips to maintain reasonable enthusiasm levels while you spend weeks planning for a 3-day wedding? I have a few for you –

Be Comfortable in Your Skin

The pressure to look the best is a worthless pursuit. Be comfortable with

  • What you already have with you
  • The patterns that suit your personality and
  • The expense that your pocket can afford

Play Around With the Theme

Adhering to a theme in a function makes you feel a part of the celebration. It also makes the host happy. You can

  • Accessorize to gel in the theme
  • Mix and match but with confidence and
  • Scan your wardrobe thoroughly before buying

Choose Comfort Over Style

This overlaps with the first point. But the former was about the inner dilemma and this is about the weather conditions. If the place is hot, carry lighter wear even if it looks semi-casual. If the place is cold, carry good overcoats and zippers. Pack according to the weather and chances are you will enjoy more.

Set a Minimum

In your quest to get an authentic look, do not forget to set a minimum. Multiple footwear, cosmetics, and alternate outfits will only add to the time you take to pack, unpack and get ready.

Do Not Overthink

Once you have finalized an outfit for a function, at the max you can rethink once (twice for women) and that’s it. Don’t overdo it because it makes you feel tired even before you depart and also you lose confidence in your decision.

I would like to leave you with a light thought, as you plan your perfect look, please do not forget to smile because that is what will make you beautiful. Even pre-wedding as you shop and pack don’t stretch yourself too much and be sure that you will be in for some good fun. The host is happy to know that you will be there keeping your commitments aside and you too should be happy for the same reason.

Posted on

5 Ways to powerful use of ‘Silence’

In silence many answers lie

In the middle of a heated argument on feminism she chose to remain silent. She carried a wise smile and people around thought she had no opinion. But she was crystal clear in her mind and heart. Silence has its own beauty, its own message – one of the post powerful forms of response.

I have listed 5 ways by which you can use SILENCE effectively to your advantage. The advantage being you keep your peace of mind even in the most desperate of the situations.

Where your opinion does not count

You meet people in life who seek opinion but every single time they do what they think is right. There is nothing wrong with it. But you getting involved even momentarily, empathizing and giving your suggestion is simply a waste of time. Consciously identify such people and choose to remain silent.

Where there is need for some space

Many a times there are arguments that blow out of proportion. Both the parties that are involved go aggressive with strong opinions and high pitches making the situation bitter. In such a scenario one can choose silence to create a space for both the parties to rethink and react. This is applicable in both personal and business life.

Where the banter is unnecessary

In every social circle there is gossip and back biting. Engaging occasionally is one thing but becoming a regular (just because staying silent puts you in a dim light) takes you nowhere. Yes, man is a social animal but be selective with how you socialize – be a part yet not be a part. Let socialization be for good – stay silent and the conversation dies its own death, giving you a chance to steer it in another direction.

When you don’t have knowledge

There are forums and topics about which you have little or no knowledge. In such a situation be present to listen and learn. Today everyone wants to talk sometimes blabber with whatever little they know in their heads so that they appear updated. There is no harm in not speaking because it is humanly impossible to know it all. Accept that they know more, they know better.

When there is need for peace

Peace eludes us as we multi task and juggle with a tight to-do and too much to handle on every single day. You would be surprised to know what some silence can do to your day. It re-energizes, it allows you to self-converse, and it saves you from burn out. Whenever you feel overwhelmed give silence a shot and see how it works wonders.

Go for silence with full confidence – it will only solidify your character. Drawing a little something from mythology many revered saints practised ‘MAUN’ though their wisdom was beyond the reach of a common man. The intelligent one knows when to talk and when to remain SILENT…

In the comments section tell me about a situation where choosing silence helped you better.

Posted on

Let’s talk heart to heart

Meditation, spa, sleep, vacationing – the words give immense peace. In fact the mind starts wandering in the imaginary bubble where we are engaging in these activities. Why do they rejuvenate? I guess they break the monotony, allow us to stop thinking about our commitments for a while. One such getaway could also be a heartfelt conversation with someone close to you or someone with whom you just connect. In the quest to have an active social media presence we have forgotten the charm of a good conversation.

The following three points are a feeble attempt to put the abstract gains of an undistracted chat in words:

It helps us to learn values when the other person shares his/her ways of handling of uncomfortable situations. Why am I so sure about this? Because as a conversation gets deeper, the ‘not so good’ part of a person’s life is out naturally. Post its out in the open it is human mindset that they will either share their virtuous approach or they will confess how they did not manage it well. In either case you learn.

It helps to catch vibes. Yes you may argue how is that a benefit? While having a good concentrated conversation as we discuss the highs and lows, we emit a mix of positive and negative vibes. While a positive vibe is all good to take home, in case of a negative vibe as you try to correct that person (you would do it because you don’t have meaningful self-dwelling conversations with anyone and everyone) in the process you end up checking your behavior too.

It helps us to understand how are life is not as bad as we sometimes feel it is. As it is only during such conversations that you come to appreciate all that you have.  The interaction makes you feel lighter and more often than not leaves you wiser.

Empathy encompasses all the above feelings as unintentionally you do put yourself in the other person’s shoe – And empathy is a value that is seriously lacking in today’s times because people consider empathy to be synonymous with surrender and unnecessary sacrifice. It has lost its original meaning which was unconditional love. 

Now I would like to steer you to how we can have a heartfelt conversation so we move on from abstract to real visible factors.

The first thing to keep in mind, I know every reader must have guessed by now – No mobile phone checks. Taking a call may be necessary; if you are in between some important task being available is necessary. But we all know where we stand – unnecessary checking of social handles and scrolling. Boom!! The conversation is wasted.

Be a listener. Don’t engage in a talk to answer, to show your greater side. While the other person is speaking, you cook up your response/reaction well in advance. What is the harm is taking a pause to register what he/she has said and then replying or sometimes may be not responding at all as you have nothing much to say.

Treat it as meaningful. Today cafes, restaurants, open public spaces are used more and more to do more work. People everywhere are seen with laptops and mobiles attending to messages, emails (both work related and casual). Two people simply talking are looked upon as old school or may be less busy. Shatter that cliché. I would say it is modern; it is in vogue to have a mindful and good conversation with someone whom you wish to connect with.

Be it a group of men or women or kids who are out together – I notice a disconnected, a continuous stream of halfhearted exchange of words. Same is the story between two lovers, parent and child or any two people who are known to each other. We are unknowingly missing out on a lot due to these incomplete conversations – that lack feelings and attention, words and learning. May be this somehow links to rising cases of depression in all age groups?

Take a moment to ponder and recollect your last healthy conversation – when, where, with whom? Let us learn to talk, to listen and to engage with full interest and inclination.