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Value of trade-offs

A trade-off means – ‘An act of balancing between two opposing situations, qualities or things, both of which you want and need.’ I find this definition to be incomplete because it does not highlight a key feature of a trade-off which is, letting go of some needs and keeping some. Yes, a trade off implies you forego few opportunities and also relationships to make the most of what you decide to keep.

If you were to list the numerous instances where you felt tremendously pressed for energy and time, most of them would fall in the group of professional life v/s personal life. Balancing both is ideal but trade-off is the reality of everyday life.

Advantages of a trade-off over endless juggling

  • You become more passionate about every task that you take up at office or home.
  • You feel powerful because you know you have a choice.
  • You are at peace as you have limited priorities.

Disadvantages of a trade-off

  • You unintentionally limit your scale leading to a limited world view.
  • You need to continuously put effort to build acceptance around your decision.
  • You may often take guilt trips when you see others excelling at something that you have chosen to forego.

How can we make this trade-off easy? Following are 3 points to keep in mind

  1. Make a well evaluated choice which is driven by both facts and feelings. Understand the consequences well because many a times the change is irreversible. For example, you invest your savings in a course abroad, whether you are able to cope up with the vagaries of the new city or not you have to complete the course for better work opportunities.
  2. Know how to handle guilt. Here the best example would be of a working parent. While you meet your office deadlines you miss on your child’s milestones. Pre-empt the situations that will create heaviness in your heart and deal with them head-on. Do not waste time convincing yourself and others every time a new event comes up.
  3. Accept your limitations. While it is good to dream, keep your resources and capabilities in hindsight. Only when you accept your current state can you do a systematic trade off. Random half-hearted bouts will take you nowhere. For instance, your friend did the Everest Base Camp trek which you wanted to do too, but could not do due to a big family event in the same period. Plan the training schedule and take it up the moment you are released off your commitments but for the time being ACCEPT.

Golden rule

The length of the period of a trade-off decides the degree of its reversibility.

Think about it!!!

Following is the link to an article that appeared in the Speaking Tree. It supports my content and is also responsible for the thought of writing on the topic – ‘Value of trade-offs’

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/toi-edit-page/heisenberg-principle-and-trade-offs-in-life/

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Step by step, day by day

Don’t let someone define your goals for you

Don’t believe in the outside world view

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

 

Don’t get disheartened when you look around

Don’t be deaf to your inner sound

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

 

Don’t fear failures when things go wrong

Don’t worry if progress is taking long

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

 

Don’t be insecure when others soar heights

Learn to take inspiration, it makes you feel light

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

 

Don’t engage your mind in matters trivial

Think the bigger picture, stay jovial

Step by step, day by day

Keep going on, make your way

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5 Thoughts on How to Unlock the Power of Routine

‘True power lies in routine’

Routine is mundane, routine is predictable, routine is boring. Another take on the topic is – routine is a symbol of consistency; routine creates order and routine is an innate part of your personality. When you believe in the latter perspective, you keep a well- decorated routine because you associate a sense of pride with the same. On the other hand, when you are oblivious to the benefits of a routine you tend to whine all the time. Whatever be your choice, the truth is routine is indispensable.

This phenomenon can also be justified by the way the Universe works. Nature is an integral part of the Universe. If you observe the elements of nature, they are always in super routine mode. The Sun rises in the east and sets in the west, the moon shows up each night exactly as per the phase it is supposed to be in, the tides rise and fall in a set pattern, the seasons arrive methodically. We, the human beings are also one of the elements in this vast Universe, how can we escape routine? And the one who constantly detests being in a routine, is not living up to his/her true nature.

How can you create an empowering routine?

Schedule time to clear your mind each day. A mind is a maze. For it to function well, you need to clear the clutter. Keep time aside to do this each day. Utilize this time to address the confusions that the mind holds with respect to perspective and decision. You will be able to give more to your day, as you release the intelligence blocked in the ambiguity.

Spend most of your day on the process. The result is always a by-product of the process. A good routine is one that keeps you occupied in improvising. Improvisation in any area of life – be it physical, emotional, intellectual, professional or personal is worth your energy and time.

Time to your passion is a must. Why? It puts you in a place of power, where you know you get to choose for yourself. Else it feels like, you are sitting in a boat being rowed by others or one that is drifting on its own. Make it a part of your routine and just like you eat and sleep, you will spend time pursuing what you like.

Follow the self-set standards diligently and it will reflect in how you move about doing your work on a day-to-day basis. Be busy in internalizing the routine and do not waste time in oversharing as it puts you off track. But at the same time humbly inspiring someone who is in need is your duty.

Plan your off-routine time. I have hit upon this idea in my earlier posts as well. By this I imply, when you feel overwhelmed by the regime, consciously plan a break. How does this benefit? It lets you respect your schedule even while you are off it. And it allows you to bring about necessary changes that lead to more improvisation (as per point 2). It gives you a sense that you will get back with renewed vigor once your break is over.

To end as powerfully as I started – “The secret of your future is hidden is your daily routine” – in the words of the wise Mike Murdock.

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How to deal with depletion? How to activate the energy levels?

We play various roles – of an employee, a parent, a friend, a partner, an entrepreneur, a member of the society. With technology advancements there is little or no self -space unless you choose to cut off with a strong intent.

The constant demands placed on us by the world, leads to a sense of depletion. Depletion is a feeling where you experience continuous reduction in energy as you shoulder your responsibilities. Depletion takes many forms. So, the first step is to identify the form of depletion followed by managing it.

Physical depletion

Here you feel physically tired. The ideal way to handle is a combination of workout and rest. Some exercise helps release the energy blocks in various muscles. Good rest gives clarity of thoughts. When physical depletion takes over silence and solitude also work well.

Intellectual depletion

This is experienced when you have not given time to learn about something new. Intellectual depletion can be taken care of by consuming good content. The ways are many – reading, listening to podcasts, watching videos and so on. Today, there is no dearth of valuable information. But what is important is to understand what your mind is seeking.

Emotional depletion

When you feel alone and depressed, you are emotionally depleted. In times like these meet and talk to your loved ones. Do not hesitate to share the state of your mind with a close friend or relative. It lightens the mind and prevents the depression from escalating.

Spiritual depletion

This may be felt like a void wherein you experience disconnect from your life’s purpose. You face heavy questions about the validity of your existence. This form is the most difficult to identify and express. What you need is a reconnection with the Universe? This can be achieved by meditation and mindfulness. The latter means being completely present in the moment.

The starting point for managing depletion is accepting your feelings of discomfort and fatigue. Do not try to be perfect all the time. Its ok to not be fine. Only after you accept will you be able to replenish and rejuvenate with patience. It may be hard to start because of the strong lack that you are feeling, but begin anyways, else the lack will only grow.

Share your views on what you just read and let the community benefit because depletion is seldom discussed.

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3 powerful practices that help simplify difficult goals

If I ask you – “What are your goals?” I will get answers like – I want to move abroad for higher studies, I want to buy my own house, I want to marry and settle down, I want to become the CEO of my company, I want to run the 21km marathon… and so on. Whenever we talk goals, we hear they should be measured and you should be focused. Following are certain vital aspects related to your goals that often go unnoticed –

Keep faith in micro goals

Micro goals are small insignificant goals that you derive from your macro goals. Do not let the term ‘insignificant’ confuse you. Here is why we should go for micro goals?

  • Micro goals are easy to pursue for a prolonged period.
  • Can be adopted around a demanding day as it needs less time
  • They are difficult to skip given their insignificant nature

As per an article that appeared in the Harvard Business Review – A micro goal should be followed till a point where it stops challenging you. Despite the sense of boredom that it generates, you should continue doing it for at least 15days and then increase the levels by as low as 10%. What does this do? It deeply embeds that habit in your routine. If you try to extend too fast, you are likely to give up. Their easy nature helps you to stay focused.

Be happy with your goals

There are people around the world who share their success stories, but remember it is your goals that will benefit you. Do not restructure your goals at the drop of a hat. Be happy and excited about your goals. Yes, it is difficult to maintain good enthusiasm when you are at the lower end of your achievement hierarchy. But if you continuously detest your goals or shift your goals you will not reach anywhere. Remember the decision to discard a goal is valid only when you have spent a good period pursuing it.

Reduce the importance of motivation

Motivation (self and external) is overrated and makes your thoughts weak. You continuously seek validation that leads to divided attention. Believe in the power of your manifestations and celebrate your small successes.

Do you agree that you should follow the above as you work towards your goals? Please share reasons for your decision and engage on the post to make it more meaningful.

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A difficult conversation on mind? Here are few things to remember

Can you recollect a recent difficult conversation that you had? How did it feel? It must have felt like a gush of emotions – anger, anxiety, guilt, confusion. None of these are healthy emotions and imagine what they do to your body and mind. There has to be a way to handle difficult conversations. Following are a few points that facilitate this handling. All these points concern only you and have no bearing on the other person with whom you are conversing.

Calmness

Here calmness is needed at three levels –

  • In mind
  • In choice of words and
  • In gestures and expressions

This helps you balance the negative emotions that tend to overpower you at the time of such conversations. Calmness keeps your mind and body healthy despite the gravity of the situation. Also, you attain a position of respect in the eyes of the others. They may not always admit the same but regardless it holds true.

Pragmatic references

Difficult conversations have a background that usually concern past and future events. In most of the cases you have either suffered in the past and kept patience or you foresee trouble in the future and feel anxious. This leads you into starting the conversation. While you refer to these events to make your case stronger, be pragmatic.

A subtle mention of your feelings and focusing on facts helps in holding a confident conversation. Facts make it easier to get the other person on the same level of thought.

Empathy

The other person is as powerful as you are and at the same time as affected. Empathy enables you to hear the other side. It lets you accept the other’s perspective. You never know if you have done wrong unintentionally.

Do not try to demean or dominate over their feelings because you can never force a person to feel your way. It is their own choice. A compassionate conversation makes it possible to find a mid -way out where both the parties have something to take away.

Progressive mindset

Progress happens in consensus. Progress is a product of mutual understanding. Progress is seen when you keep the bigger picture in mind. In both personal and professional areas, a progressive mindset creates a positive vibe at the time of a difficult conversation. It eliminates the vice of self- centeredness and changes the course of an otherwise bitter conversation.

If you think that handling diplomatically will hide your internal chain of thoughts, then you are mistaken. Even with average intelligence a person can see from where you are coming. This point lies at the core of making a tough conversation easy.

Courage

I deliberately kept this for the end. To initiate and to conclude a difficult conversation, you need courage. Courage to face the consequences physically and emotionally. Many times, it happens that you are about to confront and you tame down. You rehearse how you will approach, and you turn around. Why? Due to lack of courage. Have the courage to see it through the end and also have the courage to change course if you were wrong.

Difficult conversations are a part of life. Shying away from holding them is not a solution. The next time you have to give a negative employee feedback, or tell your partner about your individual growth plans, or approach your boss with a better alternative try to keep the above points in your head. I conclude with a final thought – “Most of the difficulty is an imaginary creation of your fears, it is not real.”

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The art of prioritizing

‘The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities’ – as said by Stephen Covey, an American educator and speaker well known for his bestseller 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Your mind is a maze that creates multiple options for utilizing every minute of yours.

For instance, a period of 30 minutes in your schedule can be used for a run, social interaction, project work, sleep, social media scrolling and many other activities. How to determine the perfect time-activity combination? Now that’s what we call the art of prioritizing. What understanding do you need to prioritize well? Here are some underlying factors –

Peace in sight

Quite often you experience that despite a long busy day, you feel incomplete. You feel a sense of lack. That is because work that gives you peace of mind, work that matters to you did not get the required attention and your day was consumed by other commitments that were of lesser importance. You should clearly identify activities that enhance your sense of self and make sure that you give them top priority.

Work-energy match

Energy is infinite but the levels vary during the day. Develop the habit of matching work to energy levels. Understand yourself and know at what time of the day your energy is at its peak and schedule intellectually and physically demanding tasks for that time. Leave the tendency to set everything in order before you start with the important stuff (more applicable to working women). Prioritize by your energies and you will find at the end of the day you will be a happily busy person.

Master the mind switch

Mind shuffle is when you switch from one task to other, each one requiring a different perspective and a different format of working. For instance, you are in an important meeting that needs presentation skills and immediately after the meet you have a get together that requires social skills. Prioritizing involves doing away with certain commitments to maintain a healthy mind switch. Trying to take up everything every day creates an illusionary sense of accomplishment. If you master the art of scheduling your priorities you lead a genuinely resourceful day.

Keep your mind light

Some activities take up a lot of space in your mind. Logically you know that it is no big deal but it lingers in the back of your mind till you do it. For example, activities that are not urgent but important like – Updating yourself about the latest innovation in your sector, evaluating the ideal extra- curricular option for your child, getting that small repair work done and much more.

The way to tackle this is either get the work done or know that it will get done and release precious mental space. Don’t let these activities clutter your to-do day after day. Don’t let it give you a feeling of you being a perpetual procrastinator by repeating it to yourself and others over and over again. Know that currently it is not your priority and thinking about it won’t help.

Each one of us has the same 24 hours. Yet there is vast difference in where we are in life. Where does the difference lie? The difference is not due to the family, or the position, or the society. It is due to an innate sense of prioritizing your day, ensuring that you put your time and energy to the best possible use.

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5 reasons why speaking less is powerful

Speaking less is not just a quality of introverts, it is often a habit. People who speak less pause before they speak whether it is an opinion or a discussion. Speaking less requires power and control. It has its own benefits that have a direct impact on your wellbeing. Why speaking less is powerful?

A quiet mind

A lot of mental clutter is created through conversations with people around. Reading between the lines, superfluous exchange of words, toxicity lead to a messed-up mind. Silence on the other hand quietens your mind. You learn to internalize your thoughts and sort them thus reducing the chaos in your mind.   

Increase in confidence

When you talk less, you explain less. You have faith in your decisions. On the other hand, the one who speaks more divulges trivial details, seeking continuous validation. Your confidence lets the other person comprehend your perspective without you having to say much.

Makes you stronger

You gain patience by not reacting verbally to situations and individuals. You tolerate and reserve your response for selected situations. This behavior makes you stronger, you develop a precious skill of calming your self in tough situations just like an ocean calms itself.

You have better energy

If you notice you breathe better when you speak less. Your inhalation and exhalation are deep and mindful. This helps generate more energy. Your degree of self-awareness is high because you wait for people to approach you with their thoughts and you listen to them with complete concentration rather than responding quickly. This gives you better energy and purifies your aura. People enjoy being in your company.

You learn better

This one goes without saying. You learn better because you observe more, feel more, and listen more. Speaking less becomes a powerful habit because it focusses your attention on learning rather than application or quick sharing. You first understand the concept in its entirety before discussing it with others.

Speaking less helps you listen more intently, which is a meaningful way to honor the other. You fare better in every aspect of life because you are more mindful and energetic letting you accomplish more in your day. Speaking less is one of the most powerful habits that will lead you to a more holistic way of living.

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5 Tips to Enjoy a Big Fat Indian Wedding

It’s wedding season and you just received an exclusive invitation to a big fat Indian wedding. The invite is designed by the most creative minds with the perfect colors and templates. You feel happy because it is an outstation wedding, a well-deserved break from the routine. You set the dates in your schedule and book the tickets almost immediately to get them at reasonable rates.

After this, the visit to the wedding lies in your subconscious mind and you end up mentioning it to colleagues, friends, family, and so on. As the date approaches it dawns upon you that you are yet to see the invite in detail. Once you open the 10-page digital invite (the physical one being too bulky and artsy), you realize there is a detailed dress code for every event. There are days when you are changing clothes almost thrice a day.

The prominent and latest outfits in your wardrobe flash before your eyes and you allot as many as possible. Aahh!!! You take a sigh of relief, that you are at least 50% there. As the wedding gets closer, you try, buy, choose alternatively, accessorize, and discuss with others who will be accompanying you. Admit it or not, it does get tedious at one point in time.

Is there a way to simplify and make the process of preparing for the big fat Indian wedding enjoyable? Are there some tips to maintain reasonable enthusiasm levels while you spend weeks planning for a 3-day wedding? I have a few for you –

Be Comfortable in Your Skin

The pressure to look the best is a worthless pursuit. Be comfortable with

  • What you already have with you
  • The patterns that suit your personality and
  • The expense that your pocket can afford

Play Around With the Theme

Adhering to a theme in a function makes you feel a part of the celebration. It also makes the host happy. You can

  • Accessorize to gel in the theme
  • Mix and match but with confidence and
  • Scan your wardrobe thoroughly before buying

Choose Comfort Over Style

This overlaps with the first point. But the former was about the inner dilemma and this is about the weather conditions. If the place is hot, carry lighter wear even if it looks semi-casual. If the place is cold, carry good overcoats and zippers. Pack according to the weather and chances are you will enjoy more.

Set a Minimum

In your quest to get an authentic look, do not forget to set a minimum. Multiple footwear, cosmetics, and alternate outfits will only add to the time you take to pack, unpack and get ready.

Do Not Overthink

Once you have finalized an outfit for a function, at the max you can rethink once (twice for women) and that’s it. Don’t overdo it because it makes you feel tired even before you depart and also you lose confidence in your decision.

I would like to leave you with a light thought, as you plan your perfect look, please do not forget to smile because that is what will make you beautiful. Even pre-wedding as you shop and pack don’t stretch yourself too much and be sure that you will be in for some good fun. The host is happy to know that you will be there keeping your commitments aside and you too should be happy for the same reason.

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Sunsets and me

What do you like about sunsets? The shades, the breeze, kids enjoying their play time or a cup of coffee. My reply is – A sense of pause. A sunset surrounds us with vibrations that lead us towards closure – Shutting that file on which you are working, keeping an incomplete task aside for the next day or simply not reverting the call or email for the time being. One can pause and keep gazing at the vast open sky that looks nothing less than a vivid painting.

I live in a cosmopolitan busy city like Mumbai. Is an article on connection with sunset appealing? I feel it is more relevant because city dwellers seek peace in possessions and people. Materialistic happiness is conditional, but nature is always present subtly, unconditionally. A moment with nature has the power to heal deep. It’s hard to imagine an early wind up in our city, but we can definitely lower our guards once the sun waves a goodbye.

Following are 5 things which one should take up after sunset:

  1. Reading your favourite story. It helps you feel enriched after a long day that felt consuming, constantly asking for your time and energy. Keep some stories (in books, magazines or online) in line always so that you don’t get irritated searching.
  2. Meditation to relax your breathe. It lets you reflect on your day so that you don’t carry anything unnecessary in your mind as you prepare to sleep. It clears your subconscious mind and has a positive effect on your vitals. Keep at least 10 minutes aside to meditate.
  3. Planning your next day. This does not take much time because you know your task line up. A little thought on the task flow sets an enthusiastic tone for the next day. You rise more confidently, ready to take the new day in your stride.
  4. Spending time with friends and family. The exchange of vibes and stories, lets you understand that you are not the only one who had a ‘not so’ great day. Contrarily, you get a chance to share the other’s happiness if they have experienced something good. Both ways it is healthy for the heart and mind.
  5. Gratitude journaling where you list at least 3 things that occurred during the day for which you are grateful. This lets you appreciate the good which gets easily overlooked. A person in gratitude is a good company for the people around.

The intention behind this article is motivating you to take up at least one of the above 5 things. All the activities are purely self- driven and do not take up too much time. With some inclination, one can easily engage in them. If not, we have our lovely sunsets to remind us!!!