Posted on

5 Tips to Enjoy a Big Fat Indian Wedding

It’s wedding season and you just received an exclusive invitation to a big fat Indian wedding. The invite is designed by the most creative minds with the perfect colors and templates. You feel happy because it is an outstation wedding, a well-deserved break from the routine. You set the dates in your schedule and book the tickets almost immediately to get them at reasonable rates.

After this, the visit to the wedding lies in your subconscious mind and you end up mentioning it to colleagues, friends, family, and so on. As the date approaches it dawns upon you that you are yet to see the invite in detail. Once you open the 10-page digital invite (the physical one being too bulky and artsy), you realize there is a detailed dress code for every event. There are days when you are changing clothes almost thrice a day.

The prominent and latest outfits in your wardrobe flash before your eyes and you allot as many as possible. Aahh!!! You take a sigh of relief, that you are at least 50% there. As the wedding gets closer, you try, buy, choose alternatively, accessorize, and discuss with others who will be accompanying you. Admit it or not, it does get tedious at one point in time.

Is there a way to simplify and make the process of preparing for the big fat Indian wedding enjoyable? Are there some tips to maintain reasonable enthusiasm levels while you spend weeks planning for a 3-day wedding? I have a few for you –

Be Comfortable in Your Skin

The pressure to look the best is a worthless pursuit. Be comfortable with

  • What you already have with you
  • The patterns that suit your personality and
  • The expense that your pocket can afford

Play Around With the Theme

Adhering to a theme in a function makes you feel a part of the celebration. It also makes the host happy. You can

  • Accessorize to gel in the theme
  • Mix and match but with confidence and
  • Scan your wardrobe thoroughly before buying

Choose Comfort Over Style

This overlaps with the first point. But the former was about the inner dilemma and this is about the weather conditions. If the place is hot, carry lighter wear even if it looks semi-casual. If the place is cold, carry good overcoats and zippers. Pack according to the weather and chances are you will enjoy more.

Set a Minimum

In your quest to get an authentic look, do not forget to set a minimum. Multiple footwear, cosmetics, and alternate outfits will only add to the time you take to pack, unpack and get ready.

Do Not Overthink

Once you have finalized an outfit for a function, at the max you can rethink once (twice for women) and that’s it. Don’t overdo it because it makes you feel tired even before you depart and also you lose confidence in your decision.

I would like to leave you with a light thought, as you plan your perfect look, please do not forget to smile because that is what will make you beautiful. Even pre-wedding as you shop and pack don’t stretch yourself too much and be sure that you will be in for some good fun. The host is happy to know that you will be there keeping your commitments aside and you too should be happy for the same reason.

Posted on

Sunsets and me

What do you like about sunsets? The shades, the breeze, kids enjoying their play time or a cup of coffee. My reply is – A sense of pause. A sunset surrounds us with vibrations that lead us towards closure – Shutting that file on which you are working, keeping an incomplete task aside for the next day or simply not reverting the call or email for the time being. One can pause and keep gazing at the vast open sky that looks nothing less than a vivid painting.

I live in a cosmopolitan busy city like Mumbai. Is an article on connection with sunset appealing? I feel it is more relevant because city dwellers seek peace in possessions and people. Materialistic happiness is conditional, but nature is always present subtly, unconditionally. A moment with nature has the power to heal deep. It’s hard to imagine an early wind up in our city, but we can definitely lower our guards once the sun waves a goodbye.

Following are 5 things which one should take up after sunset:

  1. Reading your favourite story. It helps you feel enriched after a long day that felt consuming, constantly asking for your time and energy. Keep some stories (in books, magazines or online) in line always so that you don’t get irritated searching.
  2. Meditation to relax your breathe. It lets you reflect on your day so that you don’t carry anything unnecessary in your mind as you prepare to sleep. It clears your subconscious mind and has a positive effect on your vitals. Keep at least 10 minutes aside to meditate.
  3. Planning your next day. This does not take much time because you know your task line up. A little thought on the task flow sets an enthusiastic tone for the next day. You rise more confidently, ready to take the new day in your stride.
  4. Spending time with friends and family. The exchange of vibes and stories, lets you understand that you are not the only one who had a ‘not so’ great day. Contrarily, you get a chance to share the other’s happiness if they have experienced something good. Both ways it is healthy for the heart and mind.
  5. Gratitude journaling where you list at least 3 things that occurred during the day for which you are grateful. This lets you appreciate the good which gets easily overlooked. A person in gratitude is a good company for the people around.

The intention behind this article is motivating you to take up at least one of the above 5 things. All the activities are purely self- driven and do not take up too much time. With some inclination, one can easily engage in them. If not, we have our lovely sunsets to remind us!!!

Posted on

Make sharing worthwhile

Sharing of thoughts and feelings is a vital emotional need of every human being. Is sharing unavoidable or can you do without it? You might be wondering in times like today where we are already so isolated why this perspective? That is because we seldom share goodness. Most of our time is expended in sharing the unpleasant. You don’t agree?

Let us spare a few minutes on recollecting how and what we share? Usually it’s a gush of bitter emotions where the words flow without barriers. Emotions like disappointment, helplessness, anxiety… Nothing stops, nothing curbs the flow and in the process all the mental clutter is out. For that moment you feel light but the relief is short lived. Because as you share you have spoken about the flaws in a person, or in self or in a system.

Yes, you may find it difficult to agree but please keep a hand on your heart and ponder – What have you spoken about? The answer is – You have spoken issues but not improvements, problems but not solutions. Sharing the negatives is an emotional rollercoaster where you experience a mix of rage and self -pity. And how would one feel at the end of such a ride? Miserable.

Another unique thing about this process is, you always share from your point of view, empathizing more than ever with self. The listener’s conclusion is thus, skewed keeping you from getting a clear picture.

So it goes like this – you share, you waste your valuable mental resources and you get nothing worthy in return. Hence an alternate idea came to me that when sharing consumes such valuable energy and time, why not make sharing worthwhile? Why not seek ways by which you can make the process of sharing more rewarding? A way by which you better your days with every single instance of sharing. I could come up with the following points:

  • Follow the rule of right sharing with the right person. This is compartmentalizing your support system. There is no point discussing your workplace problems with your neighbour, similarly its futile to share with your co-worker, how you had a rough morning as that time is already gone. However if you think they can value add given their personality and background go for it.
  • Narrate the incident as it is. Do not add your thoughts at the end of each statement. If you need genuine suggestion the listener needs to know the facts not how you felt.
  • Keep the conversation crisp and limited to the latest issue. Do not dig the past to establish a correlation. This enables a meaningful conversation where the focus is on the present.
  • Try hard to speak without heavy emotions. For instance, when you are angry, your pitch is high, when you are very sad, you sob as you talk. All this does not let the listener help you. Rather most of the time is wasted in pacifying.
  • Be open to the analysis. Many a times when the fingers point towards us, we go in self -defence mode. In fact we even end up saying – ‘Put yourself in my shoes. What wold you have done?’ Now this is like forcing the desired response down the other person’s throat.
  • Accept and implement. Only discussion leads you nowhere. Put the learning in practice from the next moment itself – both physically and emotionally. That way you will feel good about all the time and energy that you spent in sharing. It also makes the listener feel better.

So here we are – some simple ways to make ‘Sharing – an impending human habit’ worthwhile. Trust the process and repeat it across all your shares – related to work, family, self –doubt, society. The more you repeat the more it becomes a habit. With this, every time you share you take one tiny step towards self enhancement because the solution is within you already.   

Posted on

Trek to Kalu Waterfalls

We completed a pleasant easy level trek to Kalu Waterfalls – monsoon beauty at its best. It’s the highest waterfall in Maharashtra with the water level and force so high, that on merging with another waterfall called Mahuli, it forms the Kalu River. The waterfall originates from the Harishchandragadh mountains, it can be seen from Malshej Ghat but its beauty is such that 90% of it is not visible.

We started early at around 6am from Thane. The trek is short but one takes about 3.5 to 4 hours to reach Malshej. About breakfast, one can find a few decent places after you cross Murbad because if you leave that early, many joints en-route don’t even open.

Malshej Ghat is a trekker’s paradise, with lush green roads, numerous waterfalls and how can we forget the fog. The road to Kalu Waterfall trek is a diversion to the left, just before H2O Boating Club. The road is not an ordinary one, it feels like it’s a road to heaven. A lake runs alongside and the narrow well maintained road, seems to have no end – the only end being when it merges with the open sky. The road itself sets the tempo for an extraordinary experience – 1km on the road, you find local villagers who are willing to be your guide for the trek for an amount of Rs.400 to Rs.700. It’s a short trek of about 2.5-3 hours including the walk time and the time that you spend at the point.

The point is where the waterfall takes full speed and drops from high altitude, the force of wind being so strong that the fall reverses. I had an inhibition that we will not get a chance to get wet in the fall, as the trek will take us to the point where it starts. But I did not know that the fall welcomes all its visitors with a splash, which is similar to how an elephant fills water in its trunk and sprays it. It feels like rain, but it’s actually the reverse waterfall.

When the skies clear for a few moments you can witness the steep valley, with the Kalu River flowing below – a scene straight from a child’s drawing book, a picture showing two mountains and a river in between. The only precaution required is when you step on the stones that have gathered green slippery moss due to being wet all the time. One wrong moment, you lose balance, slide and meet an accident. So one needs to be very careful while trying to capture it all in the camera.  

We had also taken our kids along and apart from the precaution that I just mentioned, kids above 6 years of age can easily do it. The trek by itself is a long stretch of flat land, as if you are walking in the fields. The fog is thick so you can barely see trekkers ahead and behind but the guides keep it real safe. There are big puddles, and muddy sludge that you cross so better to prepare the kids beforehand for the mess. No attempt to jump over or take a big step can prevent you from stepping into wet mud that takes your foot in.

However for any trekkers who are reading the blog this part would not matter at all. Simple corn, Maggi and tea is what you get at the starting point of the trek, and in case you wish to relish a good spread you can opt for a meal at Saj by the Lake which is 10 minutes away – a well maintained property with a running restaurant and warm staff. 

You don’t feel like coming back and wherever your eyes go, you see small and big streams of water flowing. The breeze though harsh, heals you as it embraces you tight and refuses to let you loose. The walk is easy but the wind and water make you feel tired because you cut across these powerful elements of nature to successfully complete the trek.

Bikers have their fair share of fun though it requires quite a bit of patience to ride the bike through the rough smudgy terrain. We came across many bikers but all were cautious and careful with indicator lights on so that we can spot them even through the fog. There was a moment where I imagined myself also on a bike with my better bitter half. I am not a pro at trekking but all I know is that trekking requires a match of spirit from co trekkers and you can pull off  – especially simpler treks like Kalu Waterfall.

My thoughts after completing the trek, on our way back were – it’s so easy to be one with nature with treks like these that require only willingness and time planning.

For a quick view copy and paste the link below –  https://blogbynehamittal.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/Kalu-Waterfall.mp4

Posted on

Series Review – Maid

I recently finished watching a series by the name ‘Maid’ on Netflix. It’s about the intriguing journey of Alexandra (played by Margaret Qualley) from a disoriented young mommy to a confident mother to three year old Maddy. The husband/father Sean (played by Nick Robinson) is a bartender, is good looking and loves Alex – but when under the influence of alcohol loses control. 

One gets mistaken in the initial few episodes to think of him as a physical abuser but soon it dawns, that it was never physical but always mental. His behavioural extremities shook Alex’s faith in him as a reliable partner.

The series kicks off with Alex leaving with her child in the wee hours of the morning with a meagre $18 in her pocket. From here on it’s a long road with sharp curves as Alex struggles to become an independent woman. With no qualifications and zero support system, she is out in the open with her tender baby to make a living for both of them.

Her parents are divorced, father an abusive alcoholic and mother who is undiagnosed bipolar. The director has given many shades to every character almost every shade being gravely dark. If all is grave, what keeps a viewer glued? It’s Alex’s hope for life, her faith in self, her perseverance to break the cage, her dream to fly.

Do dreams need a degree? The answer is no. She was a passionate writer adept at writing stories of grit and truth. This one skill proves enough to give wings to her mind – which lets her fly miles away. Her passion for writing keeps her soul alive. She envisions doing a writing course at Missoula with the help of a scholarship. A distant dream, but one that gave her peace in hard times.

To meet her day to day expenses she opts for what she is good at – house cleaning that requires minimum education and embarks on a hazy road to financial independence. Her day is long involving hours of travel, irritably dirty toilets and a cold world but her poise inspires throughout. As she reached the end of the day full of sweat and stink, she finds solace in scribbling voraciously in her notepad about her experiences in every new home that she went to clean – and mind you, a maid indeed knows a lot.

A realistic social situation vividly highlighted in the series is that a maid is always there but the owner doesn’t regard her presence as significant leading them to     lower their guards and coming out all exposed – because after all who cares, she is just a maid. Alex’s random notes turned out to be a masterpiece that eventually let her win the once lost scholarship.

During this process she had a weak moment when she goes back to Sean. Quite a few episodes are dedicated to this part of the story. That’s a point when everyone watching the series would be torn in two – one saying yes, he deserves to get a chance courtesy his truthful appearance of sobering for Alex’s sake. While the other side saying, ‘No, no please don’t fall into the trap. Don’t go back.’ Unfortunately the latter seems wise as she loses her freedom, slowly, steadily, once again becoming a victim of emotional abuse.

What next? She rebounds – and this time with full awareness. With government aid, a student loan and a spree of cleaning jobs she makes a solid plan. One of her loyal clients Regina, a rich black woman with a complicated life helps Alex get a good lawyer and she manages to win back full custody of Maddy from Sean. One major reason behind this also being Sean going on a self -realization trip that led him to accept that he will never be able to raise Maddy better than Alex. 

There are many intricate characters in the series but their roles are so neatly defined that they hold a short but impressive span in the series. 

What is surprising is that I am a homemaker, mother to two beautiful kids and a freelance content writer – I lead a life of complete emotional and financial security. I could not gauge why and how could I connect so much with Alexandra. We don’t have any life situation in common, yet I partially felt her pain, also her elation. Probably a strong reason is that hers was not only a story of escape but one of self- discovery. 

Alex’s wishful eyes had a vision and as she patiently manoeuvred, I felt as if I am about to reach my state of ultimate freedom. Freedom from dependence in any form – that allows you to reach your optimum potential.

Even as we live a life of abundance that quest to optimize burns inside each one of us. With titles and properties, with assets and gadgets, there is still some emptiness and that vacuum demands self -discovery.  The series has a woman as the central character but this inner turmoil is also experienced by men.

The way out is to understand what makes you weak? Make a systematic plan to convert the weakness into strength. What binds you the most is your own inhibitions, and the only way to let go is to attempt genuinely and consistently.  And that’s the message that I took from the series. 

Kudos to Molly Smith Metzler for creating this beautiful American drama series that comes real close to the realities of life. The series is inspired by Stephanie Land‘s memoir Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother’s Will to Survive. A viewer’s delightwith important life lessons to learn.

Posted on

Wish to be a child again

She revisited her childhood
Her building, those bi lanes
Everything had redeveloped
Drastic changes felt insane

She looked around smiling
As if searching for some clue
Her friend’s window pane
The shop with the board in blue

She went to the spot where
Some grains made pigeons flutter
A high rise had come up and
Oh my!! The road, so cluttered

She went to her bus stop broken
A new bench had been put there
She wondered whether her name
Still lied scribbled somewhere

The small garden where she played
Was nowhere to be seen?
Instead a stylish school stood there
With gadget stricken teens

She walked ahead to the spot
Where she first met her first love
A tea vendor served tea
Small cups and a big stove

Mindlessly she walked, reached the end of the road
A big banyan tree felt like her lost abode
She grinned as she saw the tree
She hugged it, felt so free

Yes you are still here not everything’s gone
I finally found something after searching for long

She sat below the tree and gestured her son
This is where your mother hid from the sun
This is where she ran to escape the heavy fall
The only memory from my childhood that still stands tall

Posted on

Break the loop…

Stuck in a loop – A common phrase used by us. What is this loop? It’s a pattern of thoughts that guides our behaviour and makes us do the same tasks over and over again. There are days when there is a possibility to live different but somehow we prefer the loop and choose the routine course! There are two prominent factors that lead a person into a loop:

Fear

Our thoughts

We hold the fear to step out of our comfort zone – We fear experimenting with alternate tasks. What if I over commit? What if I fail? What if I am unable to cope up and my day to day work gets disturbed? The world is full of ‘What if’s’.

Another kind of fear is where one is unsure about delegating or parting with responsibilities even when help is available because you think no one can do that particular job as well as you.

Reality

Yes, when you add a new dimension to your day, your schedule changes but it changes for good. While you pre-empt all the negative what if’s, it is not a bad idea to look at the positives – What if it works? How beautiful my life would be!

The fear about delegation is actually your mind’s creation. Even in the event of a person’s death the world moves on from the next moment itself. Nothing stops, no one stops and that is the day you come to know that you and your contribution is not as indispensable as you think.

Procrastination

Our thoughts

The usual urge to procrastinate the up gradation or enrichment of self because it demands a separate space and the need to take a step in a different direction. What do we postpone? We postpone – Learning, cleaning and forgiving. Think about it and every task that you procrastinate will fall in one of the above three categories.

Reality

 I mentioned above that it demands space and a step in a different direction. But in reality most of the tasks that we postpone makes us go slightly off course. A little shuffling, a little more urge and one can easily accommodate that painting that you wished to complete, the book that you wanted to read, a heartfelt chat with an old school friend, that dance form you wished to learn. Most of us have the resources but we don’t give it a chance.

The sparkle in the eye stays for someone who moves in and out of the loop. For the rest looming dullness prevails and eventually the loop breeds on our energy, our soul. If we can tab the above two factors of fear and procrastination then it is easier to break the loop and live the life of our dreams.

Posted on

5 Ways to powerful use of ‘Silence’

In silence many answers lie

In the middle of a heated argument on feminism she chose to remain silent. She carried a wise smile and people around thought she had no opinion. But she was crystal clear in her mind and heart. Silence has its own beauty, its own message – one of the post powerful forms of response.

I have listed 5 ways by which you can use SILENCE effectively to your advantage. The advantage being you keep your peace of mind even in the most desperate of the situations.

Where your opinion does not count

You meet people in life who seek opinion but every single time they do what they think is right. There is nothing wrong with it. But you getting involved even momentarily, empathizing and giving your suggestion is simply a waste of time. Consciously identify such people and choose to remain silent.

Where there is need for some space

Many a times there are arguments that blow out of proportion. Both the parties that are involved go aggressive with strong opinions and high pitches making the situation bitter. In such a scenario one can choose silence to create a space for both the parties to rethink and react. This is applicable in both personal and business life.

Where the banter is unnecessary

In every social circle there is gossip and back biting. Engaging occasionally is one thing but becoming a regular (just because staying silent puts you in a dim light) takes you nowhere. Yes, man is a social animal but be selective with how you socialize – be a part yet not be a part. Let socialization be for good – stay silent and the conversation dies its own death, giving you a chance to steer it in another direction.

When you don’t have knowledge

There are forums and topics about which you have little or no knowledge. In such a situation be present to listen and learn. Today everyone wants to talk sometimes blabber with whatever little they know in their heads so that they appear updated. There is no harm in not speaking because it is humanly impossible to know it all. Accept that they know more, they know better.

When there is need for peace

Peace eludes us as we multi task and juggle with a tight to-do and too much to handle on every single day. You would be surprised to know what some silence can do to your day. It re-energizes, it allows you to self-converse, and it saves you from burn out. Whenever you feel overwhelmed give silence a shot and see how it works wonders.

Go for silence with full confidence – it will only solidify your character. Drawing a little something from mythology many revered saints practised ‘MAUN’ though their wisdom was beyond the reach of a common man. The intelligent one knows when to talk and when to remain SILENT…

In the comments section tell me about a situation where choosing silence helped you better.

Posted on

Un-mindfulness

Today I heard an audio by the respected monk Dandapani while I was on my morning walk. He was discussing how our ‘Monkey Mind’ does not allow us to concentrate. How we are no longer a mindful lot, who cherish every activity, every experience. How we are always wanting to know and go to the next hour, the next job. What amazed me was one fact that came up while he was speaking – that we are not learning to be in the present and that is known to all. But what we are not realizing is that we are actually practising the opposite day in and day out.

For instance every time you converse half- heartedly, every time you dislike a Monday morning, every time you flip your time between work and social media, every time you are not enjoying a social gathering you are in, every time you are having a meal simply to satisfy your hunger and not relishing it – you are practising Un-mindfulness. And you are practising it so hard that you are becoming an expert in it.

It is a known fact that if we follow a method for long, it becomes a ritual. Similarly the inattentive way of living has become our life style, our personality. Some call it multi- tasking and some call it pressure situation – but we are equipped to concentrate and come out of it. In reality even when we multitask we are doing one activity at one time because that is how we are designed to be.

It’s a myth that doing many things will take you places – the eternal truth is doing the right thing at the right time with adequate focus will help you transcend because you in your heart you would know that you have given the best of your finite energy to the job in hand.

Think about it!! And drop your thoughts in the comments section to make this discussion more valuable..

Posted on

Bridging the gap

“When we were of your age we did not have things our way. We strived for it, sacrificed so that we could be in this place.” Sounds familiar? Every youth must have heard these lines from parents or grandparents or uncles or aunts and even elderly people living in the neighborhood. The two strongest emotions that arise whenever these lines are uttered are that of humor or anger. Can we keep both aside and think from a third perspective of understanding. That is one way of bridging the gap.

Let me correct at the onset itself understanding does not equal to surrendering. That’s a very limited way of looking at it. It’s as weird as if I step into the sea, the waters will take me in. There are many other possibilities you can feel the water and step back, you can swim or you can even sail through. Let us look at how we can make the last option possible – ‘Sailing through’…

Take it light

Keep conversations light. Elders have their way of putting things across but you need not take it heavily. Because that’s when the words become bitter, expressions become stronger and you lose both the possibilities of understanding or making them understand. Being elder to us they have that natural urge to control and guide so their tone becomes imperative. On days like these it is better to step back. Create a space where matters can be kept on hold be it education, job or relationships.

Gauge what matters and how much

While you have created a space – decide on what you really want. If the point of conflict is about something that you are really passionate about, muster the courage and put forth your plan. Be soft-spoken and thorough as ambiguity about your idea makes most of the parents anxious. Convince them to give you a chance and hear what they have to say. Assure them that their insecurities will be taken care off (and you better mean it) because you never know if there is a hole in your boat.

But contrary to that if you yourself are in self- doubts consider listening to them. The latter is beneficial when you are unknowingly falling prey to herd mentality and fads that in no way connect to your personality. What is strange is that deep down inside you know it but for social validation you choose the veil. In such cases which are very prominent even amongst grown- ups parental reservations actually help one find the real meaning to life.

After all they are people who have contributed to your growth, trifling your relationships with them over pesky matters is not worth. Even they put in a lot of efforts to create a rapport with your new persona (that changes with puberty, college, higher studies, first love, poor results or excellent scores and the list goes on). For parents they grow with their child.

Never underestimate them

We often read stories of toppers coming from humble backgrounds. Yes every child is blessed and they must have worked hard but even their parents must have burnt the midnight oil to make them into the person that they are. However less is the exposure of a parent given their life span they would always have some valuable inputs to give if given a chance. So hear them out non- judgmentally breaking your own molds, inside which you have buried their experiential wisdom.

Find a mid- way out

It need not be their way or your way. In most of the cases one can find a mid-way – try reaching there the fastest. If you think your parents will not budge and you don’t wish to give in either, proceed your way with conviction. Worst case scenario is if its they who turn out to be correct, admit that you were wrong and best case scenario is that you succeed even then be humble and pay them your respects.

Fight with compassion

When as a child we make mistakes our parents scold us, reprimand but at the days end they always make it up. Till the time things are sour, a part of them is with the child and it is only for the betterment that they maintain a curt distance. Can we please treat them the same, it’s okay to have disagreements but as you fight for your dream, your passion, and your love can the fight be compassionate? Can the words and actions be chosen with due consideration to what they have given us over a life time? And trust me it is not as difficult. Yes, they put up a strong face but inside they already know they have lost to your decision, help them transcend.

You may think that my article is dwindling towards the side of the parents but somehow the aggression is uncalled for even in the most extreme situations. They have been patient with us when we messed up out of innocence and they deserve to get the same back. The rules of Karma never change.