Category: Lifestyle and personal growth

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3 powerful practices that help simplify difficult goals

If I ask you – “What are your goals?” I will get answers like – I want to move abroad for higher studies, I want to buy my own house, I want to marry and settle down, I want to become the CEO of my company, I want to run the 21km marathon… and so on. Whenever we talk goals, we hear they should be measured and you should be focused. Following are certain vital aspects related to your goals that often go unnoticed –

Keep faith in micro goals

Micro goals are small insignificant goals that you derive from your macro goals. Do not let the term ‘insignificant’ confuse you. Here is why we should go for micro goals?

  • Micro goals are easy to pursue for a prolonged period.
  • Can be adopted around a demanding day as it needs less time
  • They are difficult to skip given their insignificant nature

As per an article that appeared in the Harvard Business Review – A micro goal should be followed till a point where it stops challenging you. Despite the sense of boredom that it generates, you should continue doing it for at least 15days and then increase the levels by as low as 10%. What does this do? It deeply embeds that habit in your routine. If you try to extend too fast, you are likely to give up. Their easy nature helps you to stay focused.

Be happy with your goals

There are people around the world who share their success stories, but remember it is your goals that will benefit you. Do not restructure your goals at the drop of a hat. Be happy and excited about your goals. Yes, it is difficult to maintain good enthusiasm when you are at the lower end of your achievement hierarchy. But if you continuously detest your goals or shift your goals you will not reach anywhere. Remember the decision to discard a goal is valid only when you have spent a good period pursuing it.

Reduce the importance of motivation

Motivation (self and external) is overrated and makes your thoughts weak. You continuously seek validation that leads to divided attention. Believe in the power of your manifestations and celebrate your small successes.

Do you agree that you should follow the above as you work towards your goals? Please share reasons for your decision and engage on the post to make it more meaningful.

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A difficult conversation on mind? Here are few things to remember

Can you recollect a recent difficult conversation that you had? How did it feel? It must have felt like a gush of emotions – anger, anxiety, guilt, confusion. None of these are healthy emotions and imagine what they do to your body and mind. There has to be a way to handle difficult conversations. Following are a few points that facilitate this handling. All these points concern only you and have no bearing on the other person with whom you are conversing.

Calmness

Here calmness is needed at three levels –

  • In mind
  • In choice of words and
  • In gestures and expressions

This helps you balance the negative emotions that tend to overpower you at the time of such conversations. Calmness keeps your mind and body healthy despite the gravity of the situation. Also, you attain a position of respect in the eyes of the others. They may not always admit the same but regardless it holds true.

Pragmatic references

Difficult conversations have a background that usually concern past and future events. In most of the cases you have either suffered in the past and kept patience or you foresee trouble in the future and feel anxious. This leads you into starting the conversation. While you refer to these events to make your case stronger, be pragmatic.

A subtle mention of your feelings and focusing on facts helps in holding a confident conversation. Facts make it easier to get the other person on the same level of thought.

Empathy

The other person is as powerful as you are and at the same time as affected. Empathy enables you to hear the other side. It lets you accept the other’s perspective. You never know if you have done wrong unintentionally.

Do not try to demean or dominate over their feelings because you can never force a person to feel your way. It is their own choice. A compassionate conversation makes it possible to find a mid -way out where both the parties have something to take away.

Progressive mindset

Progress happens in consensus. Progress is a product of mutual understanding. Progress is seen when you keep the bigger picture in mind. In both personal and professional areas, a progressive mindset creates a positive vibe at the time of a difficult conversation. It eliminates the vice of self- centeredness and changes the course of an otherwise bitter conversation.

If you think that handling diplomatically will hide your internal chain of thoughts, then you are mistaken. Even with average intelligence a person can see from where you are coming. This point lies at the core of making a tough conversation easy.

Courage

I deliberately kept this for the end. To initiate and to conclude a difficult conversation, you need courage. Courage to face the consequences physically and emotionally. Many times, it happens that you are about to confront and you tame down. You rehearse how you will approach, and you turn around. Why? Due to lack of courage. Have the courage to see it through the end and also have the courage to change course if you were wrong.

Difficult conversations are a part of life. Shying away from holding them is not a solution. The next time you have to give a negative employee feedback, or tell your partner about your individual growth plans, or approach your boss with a better alternative try to keep the above points in your head. I conclude with a final thought – “Most of the difficulty is an imaginary creation of your fears, it is not real.”

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The art of prioritizing

‘The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities’ – as said by Stephen Covey, an American educator and speaker well known for his bestseller 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Your mind is a maze that creates multiple options for utilizing every minute of yours.

For instance, a period of 30 minutes in your schedule can be used for a run, social interaction, project work, sleep, social media scrolling and many other activities. How to determine the perfect time-activity combination? Now that’s what we call the art of prioritizing. What understanding do you need to prioritize well? Here are some underlying factors –

Peace in sight

Quite often you experience that despite a long busy day, you feel incomplete. You feel a sense of lack. That is because work that gives you peace of mind, work that matters to you did not get the required attention and your day was consumed by other commitments that were of lesser importance. You should clearly identify activities that enhance your sense of self and make sure that you give them top priority.

Work-energy match

Energy is infinite but the levels vary during the day. Develop the habit of matching work to energy levels. Understand yourself and know at what time of the day your energy is at its peak and schedule intellectually and physically demanding tasks for that time. Leave the tendency to set everything in order before you start with the important stuff (more applicable to working women). Prioritize by your energies and you will find at the end of the day you will be a happily busy person.

Master the mind switch

Mind shuffle is when you switch from one task to other, each one requiring a different perspective and a different format of working. For instance, you are in an important meeting that needs presentation skills and immediately after the meet you have a get together that requires social skills. Prioritizing involves doing away with certain commitments to maintain a healthy mind switch. Trying to take up everything every day creates an illusionary sense of accomplishment. If you master the art of scheduling your priorities you lead a genuinely resourceful day.

Keep your mind light

Some activities take up a lot of space in your mind. Logically you know that it is no big deal but it lingers in the back of your mind till you do it. For example, activities that are not urgent but important like – Updating yourself about the latest innovation in your sector, evaluating the ideal extra- curricular option for your child, getting that small repair work done and much more.

The way to tackle this is either get the work done or know that it will get done and release precious mental space. Don’t let these activities clutter your to-do day after day. Don’t let it give you a feeling of you being a perpetual procrastinator by repeating it to yourself and others over and over again. Know that currently it is not your priority and thinking about it won’t help.

Each one of us has the same 24 hours. Yet there is vast difference in where we are in life. Where does the difference lie? The difference is not due to the family, or the position, or the society. It is due to an innate sense of prioritizing your day, ensuring that you put your time and energy to the best possible use.

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5 reasons why speaking less is powerful

Speaking less is not just a quality of introverts, it is often a habit. People who speak less pause before they speak whether it is an opinion or a discussion. Speaking less requires power and control. It has its own benefits that have a direct impact on your wellbeing. Why speaking less is powerful?

A quiet mind

A lot of mental clutter is created through conversations with people around. Reading between the lines, superfluous exchange of words, toxicity lead to a messed-up mind. Silence on the other hand quietens your mind. You learn to internalize your thoughts and sort them thus reducing the chaos in your mind.   

Increase in confidence

When you talk less, you explain less. You have faith in your decisions. On the other hand, the one who speaks more divulges trivial details, seeking continuous validation. Your confidence lets the other person comprehend your perspective without you having to say much.

Makes you stronger

You gain patience by not reacting verbally to situations and individuals. You tolerate and reserve your response for selected situations. This behavior makes you stronger, you develop a precious skill of calming your self in tough situations just like an ocean calms itself.

You have better energy

If you notice you breathe better when you speak less. Your inhalation and exhalation are deep and mindful. This helps generate more energy. Your degree of self-awareness is high because you wait for people to approach you with their thoughts and you listen to them with complete concentration rather than responding quickly. This gives you better energy and purifies your aura. People enjoy being in your company.

You learn better

This one goes without saying. You learn better because you observe more, feel more, and listen more. Speaking less becomes a powerful habit because it focusses your attention on learning rather than application or quick sharing. You first understand the concept in its entirety before discussing it with others.

Speaking less helps you listen more intently, which is a meaningful way to honor the other. You fare better in every aspect of life because you are more mindful and energetic letting you accomplish more in your day. Speaking less is one of the most powerful habits that will lead you to a more holistic way of living.

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5 Tips to Enjoy a Big Fat Indian Wedding

It’s wedding season and you just received an exclusive invitation to a big fat Indian wedding. The invite is designed by the most creative minds with the perfect colors and templates. You feel happy because it is an outstation wedding, a well-deserved break from the routine. You set the dates in your schedule and book the tickets almost immediately to get them at reasonable rates.

After this, the visit to the wedding lies in your subconscious mind and you end up mentioning it to colleagues, friends, family, and so on. As the date approaches it dawns upon you that you are yet to see the invite in detail. Once you open the 10-page digital invite (the physical one being too bulky and artsy), you realize there is a detailed dress code for every event. There are days when you are changing clothes almost thrice a day.

The prominent and latest outfits in your wardrobe flash before your eyes and you allot as many as possible. Aahh!!! You take a sigh of relief, that you are at least 50% there. As the wedding gets closer, you try, buy, choose alternatively, accessorize, and discuss with others who will be accompanying you. Admit it or not, it does get tedious at one point in time.

Is there a way to simplify and make the process of preparing for the big fat Indian wedding enjoyable? Are there some tips to maintain reasonable enthusiasm levels while you spend weeks planning for a 3-day wedding? I have a few for you –

Be Comfortable in Your Skin

The pressure to look the best is a worthless pursuit. Be comfortable with

  • What you already have with you
  • The patterns that suit your personality and
  • The expense that your pocket can afford

Play Around With the Theme

Adhering to a theme in a function makes you feel a part of the celebration. It also makes the host happy. You can

  • Accessorize to gel in the theme
  • Mix and match but with confidence and
  • Scan your wardrobe thoroughly before buying

Choose Comfort Over Style

This overlaps with the first point. But the former was about the inner dilemma and this is about the weather conditions. If the place is hot, carry lighter wear even if it looks semi-casual. If the place is cold, carry good overcoats and zippers. Pack according to the weather and chances are you will enjoy more.

Set a Minimum

In your quest to get an authentic look, do not forget to set a minimum. Multiple footwear, cosmetics, and alternate outfits will only add to the time you take to pack, unpack and get ready.

Do Not Overthink

Once you have finalized an outfit for a function, at the max you can rethink once (twice for women) and that’s it. Don’t overdo it because it makes you feel tired even before you depart and also you lose confidence in your decision.

I would like to leave you with a light thought, as you plan your perfect look, please do not forget to smile because that is what will make you beautiful. Even pre-wedding as you shop and pack don’t stretch yourself too much and be sure that you will be in for some good fun. The host is happy to know that you will be there keeping your commitments aside and you too should be happy for the same reason.

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Sunsets and me

What do you like about sunsets? The shades, the breeze, kids enjoying their play time or a cup of coffee. My reply is – A sense of pause. A sunset surrounds us with vibrations that lead us towards closure – Shutting that file on which you are working, keeping an incomplete task aside for the next day or simply not reverting the call or email for the time being. One can pause and keep gazing at the vast open sky that looks nothing less than a vivid painting.

I live in a cosmopolitan busy city like Mumbai. Is an article on connection with sunset appealing? I feel it is more relevant because city dwellers seek peace in possessions and people. Materialistic happiness is conditional, but nature is always present subtly, unconditionally. A moment with nature has the power to heal deep. It’s hard to imagine an early wind up in our city, but we can definitely lower our guards once the sun waves a goodbye.

Following are 5 things which one should take up after sunset:

  1. Reading your favourite story. It helps you feel enriched after a long day that felt consuming, constantly asking for your time and energy. Keep some stories (in books, magazines or online) in line always so that you don’t get irritated searching.
  2. Meditation to relax your breathe. It lets you reflect on your day so that you don’t carry anything unnecessary in your mind as you prepare to sleep. It clears your subconscious mind and has a positive effect on your vitals. Keep at least 10 minutes aside to meditate.
  3. Planning your next day. This does not take much time because you know your task line up. A little thought on the task flow sets an enthusiastic tone for the next day. You rise more confidently, ready to take the new day in your stride.
  4. Spending time with friends and family. The exchange of vibes and stories, lets you understand that you are not the only one who had a ‘not so’ great day. Contrarily, you get a chance to share the other’s happiness if they have experienced something good. Both ways it is healthy for the heart and mind.
  5. Gratitude journaling where you list at least 3 things that occurred during the day for which you are grateful. This lets you appreciate the good which gets easily overlooked. A person in gratitude is a good company for the people around.

The intention behind this article is motivating you to take up at least one of the above 5 things. All the activities are purely self- driven and do not take up too much time. With some inclination, one can easily engage in them. If not, we have our lovely sunsets to remind us!!!

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Make sharing worthwhile

Sharing of thoughts and feelings is a vital emotional need of every human being. Is sharing unavoidable or can you do without it? You might be wondering in times like today where we are already so isolated why this perspective? That is because we seldom share goodness. Most of our time is expended in sharing the unpleasant. You don’t agree?

Let us spare a few minutes on recollecting how and what we share? Usually it’s a gush of bitter emotions where the words flow without barriers. Emotions like disappointment, helplessness, anxiety… Nothing stops, nothing curbs the flow and in the process all the mental clutter is out. For that moment you feel light but the relief is short lived. Because as you share you have spoken about the flaws in a person, or in self or in a system.

Yes, you may find it difficult to agree but please keep a hand on your heart and ponder – What have you spoken about? The answer is – You have spoken issues but not improvements, problems but not solutions. Sharing the negatives is an emotional rollercoaster where you experience a mix of rage and self -pity. And how would one feel at the end of such a ride? Miserable.

Another unique thing about this process is, you always share from your point of view, empathizing more than ever with self. The listener’s conclusion is thus, skewed keeping you from getting a clear picture.

So it goes like this – you share, you waste your valuable mental resources and you get nothing worthy in return. Hence an alternate idea came to me that when sharing consumes such valuable energy and time, why not make sharing worthwhile? Why not seek ways by which you can make the process of sharing more rewarding? A way by which you better your days with every single instance of sharing. I could come up with the following points:

  • Follow the rule of right sharing with the right person. This is compartmentalizing your support system. There is no point discussing your workplace problems with your neighbour, similarly its futile to share with your co-worker, how you had a rough morning as that time is already gone. However if you think they can value add given their personality and background go for it.
  • Narrate the incident as it is. Do not add your thoughts at the end of each statement. If you need genuine suggestion the listener needs to know the facts not how you felt.
  • Keep the conversation crisp and limited to the latest issue. Do not dig the past to establish a correlation. This enables a meaningful conversation where the focus is on the present.
  • Try hard to speak without heavy emotions. For instance, when you are angry, your pitch is high, when you are very sad, you sob as you talk. All this does not let the listener help you. Rather most of the time is wasted in pacifying.
  • Be open to the analysis. Many a times when the fingers point towards us, we go in self -defence mode. In fact we even end up saying – ‘Put yourself in my shoes. What wold you have done?’ Now this is like forcing the desired response down the other person’s throat.
  • Accept and implement. Only discussion leads you nowhere. Put the learning in practice from the next moment itself – both physically and emotionally. That way you will feel good about all the time and energy that you spent in sharing. It also makes the listener feel better.

So here we are – some simple ways to make ‘Sharing – an impending human habit’ worthwhile. Trust the process and repeat it across all your shares – related to work, family, self –doubt, society. The more you repeat the more it becomes a habit. With this, every time you share you take one tiny step towards self enhancement because the solution is within you already.   

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Break the loop…

Stuck in a loop – A common phrase used by us. What is this loop? It’s a pattern of thoughts that guides our behaviour and makes us do the same tasks over and over again. There are days when there is a possibility to live different but somehow we prefer the loop and choose the routine course! There are two prominent factors that lead a person into a loop:

Fear

Our thoughts

We hold the fear to step out of our comfort zone – We fear experimenting with alternate tasks. What if I over commit? What if I fail? What if I am unable to cope up and my day to day work gets disturbed? The world is full of ‘What if’s’.

Another kind of fear is where one is unsure about delegating or parting with responsibilities even when help is available because you think no one can do that particular job as well as you.

Reality

Yes, when you add a new dimension to your day, your schedule changes but it changes for good. While you pre-empt all the negative what if’s, it is not a bad idea to look at the positives – What if it works? How beautiful my life would be!

The fear about delegation is actually your mind’s creation. Even in the event of a person’s death the world moves on from the next moment itself. Nothing stops, no one stops and that is the day you come to know that you and your contribution is not as indispensable as you think.

Procrastination

Our thoughts

The usual urge to procrastinate the up gradation or enrichment of self because it demands a separate space and the need to take a step in a different direction. What do we postpone? We postpone – Learning, cleaning and forgiving. Think about it and every task that you procrastinate will fall in one of the above three categories.

Reality

 I mentioned above that it demands space and a step in a different direction. But in reality most of the tasks that we postpone makes us go slightly off course. A little shuffling, a little more urge and one can easily accommodate that painting that you wished to complete, the book that you wanted to read, a heartfelt chat with an old school friend, that dance form you wished to learn. Most of us have the resources but we don’t give it a chance.

The sparkle in the eye stays for someone who moves in and out of the loop. For the rest looming dullness prevails and eventually the loop breeds on our energy, our soul. If we can tab the above two factors of fear and procrastination then it is easier to break the loop and live the life of our dreams.

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5 Ways to powerful use of ‘Silence’

In silence many answers lie

In the middle of a heated argument on feminism she chose to remain silent. She carried a wise smile and people around thought she had no opinion. But she was crystal clear in her mind and heart. Silence has its own beauty, its own message – one of the post powerful forms of response.

I have listed 5 ways by which you can use SILENCE effectively to your advantage. The advantage being you keep your peace of mind even in the most desperate of the situations.

Where your opinion does not count

You meet people in life who seek opinion but every single time they do what they think is right. There is nothing wrong with it. But you getting involved even momentarily, empathizing and giving your suggestion is simply a waste of time. Consciously identify such people and choose to remain silent.

Where there is need for some space

Many a times there are arguments that blow out of proportion. Both the parties that are involved go aggressive with strong opinions and high pitches making the situation bitter. In such a scenario one can choose silence to create a space for both the parties to rethink and react. This is applicable in both personal and business life.

Where the banter is unnecessary

In every social circle there is gossip and back biting. Engaging occasionally is one thing but becoming a regular (just because staying silent puts you in a dim light) takes you nowhere. Yes, man is a social animal but be selective with how you socialize – be a part yet not be a part. Let socialization be for good – stay silent and the conversation dies its own death, giving you a chance to steer it in another direction.

When you don’t have knowledge

There are forums and topics about which you have little or no knowledge. In such a situation be present to listen and learn. Today everyone wants to talk sometimes blabber with whatever little they know in their heads so that they appear updated. There is no harm in not speaking because it is humanly impossible to know it all. Accept that they know more, they know better.

When there is need for peace

Peace eludes us as we multi task and juggle with a tight to-do and too much to handle on every single day. You would be surprised to know what some silence can do to your day. It re-energizes, it allows you to self-converse, and it saves you from burn out. Whenever you feel overwhelmed give silence a shot and see how it works wonders.

Go for silence with full confidence – it will only solidify your character. Drawing a little something from mythology many revered saints practised ‘MAUN’ though their wisdom was beyond the reach of a common man. The intelligent one knows when to talk and when to remain SILENT…

In the comments section tell me about a situation where choosing silence helped you better.

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Un-mindfulness

Today I heard an audio by the respected monk Dandapani while I was on my morning walk. He was discussing how our ‘Monkey Mind’ does not allow us to concentrate. How we are no longer a mindful lot, who cherish every activity, every experience. How we are always wanting to know and go to the next hour, the next job. What amazed me was one fact that came up while he was speaking – that we are not learning to be in the present and that is known to all. But what we are not realizing is that we are actually practising the opposite day in and day out.

For instance every time you converse half- heartedly, every time you dislike a Monday morning, every time you flip your time between work and social media, every time you are not enjoying a social gathering you are in, every time you are having a meal simply to satisfy your hunger and not relishing it – you are practising Un-mindfulness. And you are practising it so hard that you are becoming an expert in it.

It is a known fact that if we follow a method for long, it becomes a ritual. Similarly the inattentive way of living has become our life style, our personality. Some call it multi- tasking and some call it pressure situation – but we are equipped to concentrate and come out of it. In reality even when we multitask we are doing one activity at one time because that is how we are designed to be.

It’s a myth that doing many things will take you places – the eternal truth is doing the right thing at the right time with adequate focus will help you transcend because you in your heart you would know that you have given the best of your finite energy to the job in hand.

Think about it!! And drop your thoughts in the comments section to make this discussion more valuable..