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5 reasons why speaking less is powerful

Speaking less is not just a quality of introverts, it is often a habit. People who speak less pause before they speak whether it is an opinion or a discussion. Speaking less requires power and control. It has its own benefits that have a direct impact on your wellbeing. Why speaking less is powerful?

A quiet mind

A lot of mental clutter is created through conversations with people around. Reading between the lines, superfluous exchange of words, toxicity lead to a messed-up mind. Silence on the other hand quietens your mind. You learn to internalize your thoughts and sort them thus reducing the chaos in your mind.   

Increase in confidence

When you talk less, you explain less. You have faith in your decisions. On the other hand, the one who speaks more divulges trivial details, seeking continuous validation. Your confidence lets the other person comprehend your perspective without you having to say much.

Makes you stronger

You gain patience by not reacting verbally to situations and individuals. You tolerate and reserve your response for selected situations. This behavior makes you stronger, you develop a precious skill of calming your self in tough situations just like an ocean calms itself.

You have better energy

If you notice you breathe better when you speak less. Your inhalation and exhalation are deep and mindful. This helps generate more energy. Your degree of self-awareness is high because you wait for people to approach you with their thoughts and you listen to them with complete concentration rather than responding quickly. This gives you better energy and purifies your aura. People enjoy being in your company.

You learn better

This one goes without saying. You learn better because you observe more, feel more, and listen more. Speaking less becomes a powerful habit because it focusses your attention on learning rather than application or quick sharing. You first understand the concept in its entirety before discussing it with others.

Speaking less helps you listen more intently, which is a meaningful way to honor the other. You fare better in every aspect of life because you are more mindful and energetic letting you accomplish more in your day. Speaking less is one of the most powerful habits that will lead you to a more holistic way of living.

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5 Tips to Enjoy a Big Fat Indian Wedding

It’s wedding season and you just received an exclusive invitation to a big fat Indian wedding. The invite is designed by the most creative minds with the perfect colors and templates. You feel happy because it is an outstation wedding, a well-deserved break from the routine. You set the dates in your schedule and book the tickets almost immediately to get them at reasonable rates.

After this, the visit to the wedding lies in your subconscious mind and you end up mentioning it to colleagues, friends, family, and so on. As the date approaches it dawns upon you that you are yet to see the invite in detail. Once you open the 10-page digital invite (the physical one being too bulky and artsy), you realize there is a detailed dress code for every event. There are days when you are changing clothes almost thrice a day.

The prominent and latest outfits in your wardrobe flash before your eyes and you allot as many as possible. Aahh!!! You take a sigh of relief, that you are at least 50% there. As the wedding gets closer, you try, buy, choose alternatively, accessorize, and discuss with others who will be accompanying you. Admit it or not, it does get tedious at one point in time.

Is there a way to simplify and make the process of preparing for the big fat Indian wedding enjoyable? Are there some tips to maintain reasonable enthusiasm levels while you spend weeks planning for a 3-day wedding? I have a few for you –

Be Comfortable in Your Skin

The pressure to look the best is a worthless pursuit. Be comfortable with

  • What you already have with you
  • The patterns that suit your personality and
  • The expense that your pocket can afford

Play Around With the Theme

Adhering to a theme in a function makes you feel a part of the celebration. It also makes the host happy. You can

  • Accessorize to gel in the theme
  • Mix and match but with confidence and
  • Scan your wardrobe thoroughly before buying

Choose Comfort Over Style

This overlaps with the first point. But the former was about the inner dilemma and this is about the weather conditions. If the place is hot, carry lighter wear even if it looks semi-casual. If the place is cold, carry good overcoats and zippers. Pack according to the weather and chances are you will enjoy more.

Set a Minimum

In your quest to get an authentic look, do not forget to set a minimum. Multiple footwear, cosmetics, and alternate outfits will only add to the time you take to pack, unpack and get ready.

Do Not Overthink

Once you have finalized an outfit for a function, at the max you can rethink once (twice for women) and that’s it. Don’t overdo it because it makes you feel tired even before you depart and also you lose confidence in your decision.

I would like to leave you with a light thought, as you plan your perfect look, please do not forget to smile because that is what will make you beautiful. Even pre-wedding as you shop and pack don’t stretch yourself too much and be sure that you will be in for some good fun. The host is happy to know that you will be there keeping your commitments aside and you too should be happy for the same reason.

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Sunsets and me

What do you like about sunsets? The shades, the breeze, kids enjoying their play time or a cup of coffee. My reply is – A sense of pause. A sunset surrounds us with vibrations that lead us towards closure – Shutting that file on which you are working, keeping an incomplete task aside for the next day or simply not reverting the call or email for the time being. One can pause and keep gazing at the vast open sky that looks nothing less than a vivid painting.

I live in a cosmopolitan busy city like Mumbai. Is an article on connection with sunset appealing? I feel it is more relevant because city dwellers seek peace in possessions and people. Materialistic happiness is conditional, but nature is always present subtly, unconditionally. A moment with nature has the power to heal deep. It’s hard to imagine an early wind up in our city, but we can definitely lower our guards once the sun waves a goodbye.

Following are 5 things which one should take up after sunset:

  1. Reading your favourite story. It helps you feel enriched after a long day that felt consuming, constantly asking for your time and energy. Keep some stories (in books, magazines or online) in line always so that you don’t get irritated searching.
  2. Meditation to relax your breathe. It lets you reflect on your day so that you don’t carry anything unnecessary in your mind as you prepare to sleep. It clears your subconscious mind and has a positive effect on your vitals. Keep at least 10 minutes aside to meditate.
  3. Planning your next day. This does not take much time because you know your task line up. A little thought on the task flow sets an enthusiastic tone for the next day. You rise more confidently, ready to take the new day in your stride.
  4. Spending time with friends and family. The exchange of vibes and stories, lets you understand that you are not the only one who had a ‘not so’ great day. Contrarily, you get a chance to share the other’s happiness if they have experienced something good. Both ways it is healthy for the heart and mind.
  5. Gratitude journaling where you list at least 3 things that occurred during the day for which you are grateful. This lets you appreciate the good which gets easily overlooked. A person in gratitude is a good company for the people around.

The intention behind this article is motivating you to take up at least one of the above 5 things. All the activities are purely self- driven and do not take up too much time. With some inclination, one can easily engage in them. If not, we have our lovely sunsets to remind us!!!

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Trek to Kalu Waterfalls

We completed a pleasant easy level trek to Kalu Waterfalls – monsoon beauty at its best. It’s the highest waterfall in Maharashtra with the water level and force so high, that on merging with another waterfall called Mahuli, it forms the Kalu River. The waterfall originates from the Harishchandragadh mountains, it can be seen from Malshej Ghat but its beauty is such that 90% of it is not visible.

We started early at around 6am from Thane. The trek is short but one takes about 3.5 to 4 hours to reach Malshej. About breakfast, one can find a few decent places after you cross Murbad because if you leave that early, many joints en-route don’t even open.

Malshej Ghat is a trekker’s paradise, with lush green roads, numerous waterfalls and how can we forget the fog. The road to Kalu Waterfall trek is a diversion to the left, just before H2O Boating Club. The road is not an ordinary one, it feels like it’s a road to heaven. A lake runs alongside and the narrow well maintained road, seems to have no end – the only end being when it merges with the open sky. The road itself sets the tempo for an extraordinary experience – 1km on the road, you find local villagers who are willing to be your guide for the trek for an amount of Rs.400 to Rs.700. It’s a short trek of about 2.5-3 hours including the walk time and the time that you spend at the point.

The point is where the waterfall takes full speed and drops from high altitude, the force of wind being so strong that the fall reverses. I had an inhibition that we will not get a chance to get wet in the fall, as the trek will take us to the point where it starts. But I did not know that the fall welcomes all its visitors with a splash, which is similar to how an elephant fills water in its trunk and sprays it. It feels like rain, but it’s actually the reverse waterfall.

When the skies clear for a few moments you can witness the steep valley, with the Kalu River flowing below – a scene straight from a child’s drawing book, a picture showing two mountains and a river in between. The only precaution required is when you step on the stones that have gathered green slippery moss due to being wet all the time. One wrong moment, you lose balance, slide and meet an accident. So one needs to be very careful while trying to capture it all in the camera.  

We had also taken our kids along and apart from the precaution that I just mentioned, kids above 6 years of age can easily do it. The trek by itself is a long stretch of flat land, as if you are walking in the fields. The fog is thick so you can barely see trekkers ahead and behind but the guides keep it real safe. There are big puddles, and muddy sludge that you cross so better to prepare the kids beforehand for the mess. No attempt to jump over or take a big step can prevent you from stepping into wet mud that takes your foot in.

However for any trekkers who are reading the blog this part would not matter at all. Simple corn, Maggi and tea is what you get at the starting point of the trek, and in case you wish to relish a good spread you can opt for a meal at Saj by the Lake which is 10 minutes away – a well maintained property with a running restaurant and warm staff. 

You don’t feel like coming back and wherever your eyes go, you see small and big streams of water flowing. The breeze though harsh, heals you as it embraces you tight and refuses to let you loose. The walk is easy but the wind and water make you feel tired because you cut across these powerful elements of nature to successfully complete the trek.

Bikers have their fair share of fun though it requires quite a bit of patience to ride the bike through the rough smudgy terrain. We came across many bikers but all were cautious and careful with indicator lights on so that we can spot them even through the fog. There was a moment where I imagined myself also on a bike with my better bitter half. I am not a pro at trekking but all I know is that trekking requires a match of spirit from co trekkers and you can pull off  – especially simpler treks like Kalu Waterfall.

My thoughts after completing the trek, on our way back were – it’s so easy to be one with nature with treks like these that require only willingness and time planning.

For a quick view copy and paste the link below –  https://blogbynehamittal.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/Kalu-Waterfall.mp4

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Break the loop…

Stuck in a loop – A common phrase used by us. What is this loop? It’s a pattern of thoughts that guides our behaviour and makes us do the same tasks over and over again. There are days when there is a possibility to live different but somehow we prefer the loop and choose the routine course! There are two prominent factors that lead a person into a loop:

Fear

Our thoughts

We hold the fear to step out of our comfort zone – We fear experimenting with alternate tasks. What if I over commit? What if I fail? What if I am unable to cope up and my day to day work gets disturbed? The world is full of ‘What if’s’.

Another kind of fear is where one is unsure about delegating or parting with responsibilities even when help is available because you think no one can do that particular job as well as you.

Reality

Yes, when you add a new dimension to your day, your schedule changes but it changes for good. While you pre-empt all the negative what if’s, it is not a bad idea to look at the positives – What if it works? How beautiful my life would be!

The fear about delegation is actually your mind’s creation. Even in the event of a person’s death the world moves on from the next moment itself. Nothing stops, no one stops and that is the day you come to know that you and your contribution is not as indispensable as you think.

Procrastination

Our thoughts

The usual urge to procrastinate the up gradation or enrichment of self because it demands a separate space and the need to take a step in a different direction. What do we postpone? We postpone – Learning, cleaning and forgiving. Think about it and every task that you procrastinate will fall in one of the above three categories.

Reality

 I mentioned above that it demands space and a step in a different direction. But in reality most of the tasks that we postpone makes us go slightly off course. A little shuffling, a little more urge and one can easily accommodate that painting that you wished to complete, the book that you wanted to read, a heartfelt chat with an old school friend, that dance form you wished to learn. Most of us have the resources but we don’t give it a chance.

The sparkle in the eye stays for someone who moves in and out of the loop. For the rest looming dullness prevails and eventually the loop breeds on our energy, our soul. If we can tab the above two factors of fear and procrastination then it is easier to break the loop and live the life of our dreams.

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5 Ways to powerful use of ‘Silence’

In silence many answers lie

In the middle of a heated argument on feminism she chose to remain silent. She carried a wise smile and people around thought she had no opinion. But she was crystal clear in her mind and heart. Silence has its own beauty, its own message – one of the post powerful forms of response.

I have listed 5 ways by which you can use SILENCE effectively to your advantage. The advantage being you keep your peace of mind even in the most desperate of the situations.

Where your opinion does not count

You meet people in life who seek opinion but every single time they do what they think is right. There is nothing wrong with it. But you getting involved even momentarily, empathizing and giving your suggestion is simply a waste of time. Consciously identify such people and choose to remain silent.

Where there is need for some space

Many a times there are arguments that blow out of proportion. Both the parties that are involved go aggressive with strong opinions and high pitches making the situation bitter. In such a scenario one can choose silence to create a space for both the parties to rethink and react. This is applicable in both personal and business life.

Where the banter is unnecessary

In every social circle there is gossip and back biting. Engaging occasionally is one thing but becoming a regular (just because staying silent puts you in a dim light) takes you nowhere. Yes, man is a social animal but be selective with how you socialize – be a part yet not be a part. Let socialization be for good – stay silent and the conversation dies its own death, giving you a chance to steer it in another direction.

When you don’t have knowledge

There are forums and topics about which you have little or no knowledge. In such a situation be present to listen and learn. Today everyone wants to talk sometimes blabber with whatever little they know in their heads so that they appear updated. There is no harm in not speaking because it is humanly impossible to know it all. Accept that they know more, they know better.

When there is need for peace

Peace eludes us as we multi task and juggle with a tight to-do and too much to handle on every single day. You would be surprised to know what some silence can do to your day. It re-energizes, it allows you to self-converse, and it saves you from burn out. Whenever you feel overwhelmed give silence a shot and see how it works wonders.

Go for silence with full confidence – it will only solidify your character. Drawing a little something from mythology many revered saints practised ‘MAUN’ though their wisdom was beyond the reach of a common man. The intelligent one knows when to talk and when to remain SILENT…

In the comments section tell me about a situation where choosing silence helped you better.

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Un-mindfulness

Today I heard an audio by the respected monk Dandapani while I was on my morning walk. He was discussing how our ‘Monkey Mind’ does not allow us to concentrate. How we are no longer a mindful lot, who cherish every activity, every experience. How we are always wanting to know and go to the next hour, the next job. What amazed me was one fact that came up while he was speaking – that we are not learning to be in the present and that is known to all. But what we are not realizing is that we are actually practising the opposite day in and day out.

For instance every time you converse half- heartedly, every time you dislike a Monday morning, every time you flip your time between work and social media, every time you are not enjoying a social gathering you are in, every time you are having a meal simply to satisfy your hunger and not relishing it – you are practising Un-mindfulness. And you are practising it so hard that you are becoming an expert in it.

It is a known fact that if we follow a method for long, it becomes a ritual. Similarly the inattentive way of living has become our life style, our personality. Some call it multi- tasking and some call it pressure situation – but we are equipped to concentrate and come out of it. In reality even when we multitask we are doing one activity at one time because that is how we are designed to be.

It’s a myth that doing many things will take you places – the eternal truth is doing the right thing at the right time with adequate focus will help you transcend because you in your heart you would know that you have given the best of your finite energy to the job in hand.

Think about it!! And drop your thoughts in the comments section to make this discussion more valuable..

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Bridging the gap

“When we were of your age we did not have things our way. We strived for it, sacrificed so that we could be in this place.” Sounds familiar? Every youth must have heard these lines from parents or grandparents or uncles or aunts and even elderly people living in the neighborhood. The two strongest emotions that arise whenever these lines are uttered are that of humor or anger. Can we keep both aside and think from a third perspective of understanding. That is one way of bridging the gap.

Let me correct at the onset itself understanding does not equal to surrendering. That’s a very limited way of looking at it. It’s as weird as if I step into the sea, the waters will take me in. There are many other possibilities you can feel the water and step back, you can swim or you can even sail through. Let us look at how we can make the last option possible – ‘Sailing through’…

Take it light

Keep conversations light. Elders have their way of putting things across but you need not take it heavily. Because that’s when the words become bitter, expressions become stronger and you lose both the possibilities of understanding or making them understand. Being elder to us they have that natural urge to control and guide so their tone becomes imperative. On days like these it is better to step back. Create a space where matters can be kept on hold be it education, job or relationships.

Gauge what matters and how much

While you have created a space – decide on what you really want. If the point of conflict is about something that you are really passionate about, muster the courage and put forth your plan. Be soft-spoken and thorough as ambiguity about your idea makes most of the parents anxious. Convince them to give you a chance and hear what they have to say. Assure them that their insecurities will be taken care off (and you better mean it) because you never know if there is a hole in your boat.

But contrary to that if you yourself are in self- doubts consider listening to them. The latter is beneficial when you are unknowingly falling prey to herd mentality and fads that in no way connect to your personality. What is strange is that deep down inside you know it but for social validation you choose the veil. In such cases which are very prominent even amongst grown- ups parental reservations actually help one find the real meaning to life.

After all they are people who have contributed to your growth, trifling your relationships with them over pesky matters is not worth. Even they put in a lot of efforts to create a rapport with your new persona (that changes with puberty, college, higher studies, first love, poor results or excellent scores and the list goes on). For parents they grow with their child.

Never underestimate them

We often read stories of toppers coming from humble backgrounds. Yes every child is blessed and they must have worked hard but even their parents must have burnt the midnight oil to make them into the person that they are. However less is the exposure of a parent given their life span they would always have some valuable inputs to give if given a chance. So hear them out non- judgmentally breaking your own molds, inside which you have buried their experiential wisdom.

Find a mid- way out

It need not be their way or your way. In most of the cases one can find a mid-way – try reaching there the fastest. If you think your parents will not budge and you don’t wish to give in either, proceed your way with conviction. Worst case scenario is if its they who turn out to be correct, admit that you were wrong and best case scenario is that you succeed even then be humble and pay them your respects.

Fight with compassion

When as a child we make mistakes our parents scold us, reprimand but at the days end they always make it up. Till the time things are sour, a part of them is with the child and it is only for the betterment that they maintain a curt distance. Can we please treat them the same, it’s okay to have disagreements but as you fight for your dream, your passion, and your love can the fight be compassionate? Can the words and actions be chosen with due consideration to what they have given us over a life time? And trust me it is not as difficult. Yes, they put up a strong face but inside they already know they have lost to your decision, help them transcend.

You may think that my article is dwindling towards the side of the parents but somehow the aggression is uncalled for even in the most extreme situations. They have been patient with us when we messed up out of innocence and they deserve to get the same back. The rules of Karma never change.

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Let’s talk heart to heart

Meditation, spa, sleep, vacationing – the words give immense peace. In fact the mind starts wandering in the imaginary bubble where we are engaging in these activities. Why do they rejuvenate? I guess they break the monotony, allow us to stop thinking about our commitments for a while. One such getaway could also be a heartfelt conversation with someone close to you or someone with whom you just connect. In the quest to have an active social media presence we have forgotten the charm of a good conversation.

The following three points are a feeble attempt to put the abstract gains of an undistracted chat in words:

It helps us to learn values when the other person shares his/her ways of handling of uncomfortable situations. Why am I so sure about this? Because as a conversation gets deeper, the ‘not so good’ part of a person’s life is out naturally. Post its out in the open it is human mindset that they will either share their virtuous approach or they will confess how they did not manage it well. In either case you learn.

It helps to catch vibes. Yes you may argue how is that a benefit? While having a good concentrated conversation as we discuss the highs and lows, we emit a mix of positive and negative vibes. While a positive vibe is all good to take home, in case of a negative vibe as you try to correct that person (you would do it because you don’t have meaningful self-dwelling conversations with anyone and everyone) in the process you end up checking your behavior too.

It helps us to understand how are life is not as bad as we sometimes feel it is. As it is only during such conversations that you come to appreciate all that you have.  The interaction makes you feel lighter and more often than not leaves you wiser.

Empathy encompasses all the above feelings as unintentionally you do put yourself in the other person’s shoe – And empathy is a value that is seriously lacking in today’s times because people consider empathy to be synonymous with surrender and unnecessary sacrifice. It has lost its original meaning which was unconditional love. 

Now I would like to steer you to how we can have a heartfelt conversation so we move on from abstract to real visible factors.

The first thing to keep in mind, I know every reader must have guessed by now – No mobile phone checks. Taking a call may be necessary; if you are in between some important task being available is necessary. But we all know where we stand – unnecessary checking of social handles and scrolling. Boom!! The conversation is wasted.

Be a listener. Don’t engage in a talk to answer, to show your greater side. While the other person is speaking, you cook up your response/reaction well in advance. What is the harm is taking a pause to register what he/she has said and then replying or sometimes may be not responding at all as you have nothing much to say.

Treat it as meaningful. Today cafes, restaurants, open public spaces are used more and more to do more work. People everywhere are seen with laptops and mobiles attending to messages, emails (both work related and casual). Two people simply talking are looked upon as old school or may be less busy. Shatter that cliché. I would say it is modern; it is in vogue to have a mindful and good conversation with someone whom you wish to connect with.

Be it a group of men or women or kids who are out together – I notice a disconnected, a continuous stream of halfhearted exchange of words. Same is the story between two lovers, parent and child or any two people who are known to each other. We are unknowingly missing out on a lot due to these incomplete conversations – that lack feelings and attention, words and learning. May be this somehow links to rising cases of depression in all age groups?

Take a moment to ponder and recollect your last healthy conversation – when, where, with whom? Let us learn to talk, to listen and to engage with full interest and inclination.

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A day well lived

A day well lived – sounds so good. How often do we say this at the end of the day? On the days we have more in our hands we complaint of fatigue and the days when our plate is relatively empty we crib about monotony. Especially amidst the Mumbai hustle, one seeks activity and urgency – because busyness is a measure of the value of a person. 

Courtesy the busyness almost everyone craves for some time to chill over the weekend or at the day’s end. It’s a cycle – first submerge yourself in excess work and then shrug it off by visiting clubs and restaurants. What is insane is that even after all the work and play Jack is still a dull boy – coz for Jack nothing is enough.

A day well lived is a day that provides adequate space to attend to one’s commitments (personal and professional), space to rest and recoup and space to observe and learn. Unless one has all the 3 dimensions one would end up feeling empty despite a so called occupied day. By adequate space I mean ‘No rush’. Attending to each hour with peace and an expanded time sense (‘I have enough time for everything’).

However currently, the societal standards about time and work management are so distorted that an expanded time sense looks like a rare reality. A few lifestyle changes can however alter the scenario pleasantly.

Mindfulness

Do you know what the constant sense of hurrying to the next job without properly attending to the job in hand does? It leaves you incomplete even after giving time to the current job because you were not mindful enough. Result is you are unhappy and insecure. If one gives dedicated attention to one job/one activity/one responsibility at a time with minimum multitasking, one is likely to succeed better.

Believe in time

Each one of us has the same 24 hours in a day. Yet a few achieve so much and a majority is dangerously lost in ticking their to- do list. We need to believe that the day is just enough to attend to all that we wish to. It is not a piece of some self- help book content, it is practically applicable. Just tell yourself and all around – “Oh I have enough time today, I will take my jobs one by one with peace.”

An energy aligned to-do

A doable to-do is important. One that is not too easy and not too difficult. At the beginning of the day you feel your energy and you roughly know what your day is likely to hold. In sync with the same one should plan a happy to-do. Do not try to include everything in a day, keep it alternate or twice a week so that you can give undivided attention to the job in hand.

Shift gears in case of change

It so happens that we plan something and the day turns out to be completely opposite due to unforeseen events. In such a situation do not take much time to shift gears. A plan B is not needed always, often it’s wise to go with the flow. If you resist the current, the wave you feel tired, but if you flow along with alertness there are chances you will be washed ashore.

Respect yourself

We often tend to be very virtuous towards people and work. But when it comes to self-care and gratitude towards self, we lack. There is no point in stretching yourself (physically and mentally) beyond a level. Its okay to let go mid-way, only to resume the next hour, the next day. Overwhelmed behavior often leads to more unfinished work.

Consistent doable goals go way beyond unrealistic targets. Seek what is real, cease to run behind the mythical, the illusionary… Real is a peaceful and pleasant ‘Day Well Lived.’